It is official I am peri-menopausal. Well it is not official, because I have not been to the doctor. But, I did watch The New Adventures of Old Christine this week and …

Christine explained the crazies in my head in just one episode. Here is a 2 minute clip (ya have to deal with a 30 second commercial first):  Christine at the Doctor

This Thursday’s list of Ten consists of the things that are driving me mad(er). I am providing an appropriate theme song below. (Props to Prince for saying it so well) 

1.) The Save and Delete tabs are right next to each other on my accounting program. I can’t tell you how many times I have arrowed over to the wrong button and deleted an entry that I wanted to save. What kind of demented ass would put them together? And why don’t I get the annoying pop up asking me if I am sure I want to delete? Nooooo! It just vanishes and then secretly laughs at me for being in a rush.  

2.) Wrinkles ~ Not those that have begun to pop up around my delightful smile. Those just make me sigh. I am driven batty(er) by the wrinkles in my bed. My sheets must be military tight. A single wrinkle under my thigh will keep me up the entire night. I have been known to ask Mr. J to get out of bed so that I can straighten the sheet. It must be love that keeps him from dumping me in the bayou.

3.) Popcorn ~ With all the advancements in science, why have they not invented a popcorn that does not have the those little  cellulose fibers (ya, I looked it up). I think I will need to have a back molar removed in order to reach a little piece of kernel that is permanently attaching itself.

4.) Book censoring ~ I will write a complete post on this one day. For now I will just say, “Book Banning Sucks.” The constant push to have great books banned is driving me de-de-de-delirious.

5.) Annoying ass sales calls interrupting my Beethoven ~ I listen to classical music when I am trying to calm the savage beast that has claimed my soul. Today’s interruption went something like this:

Caller: Could I bore you with a 20-30 minute drone of my product?

Me: Could you please hold? (I then sat the receiver by my speaker and cranked up the Borodin string quartet playing No. 11, OP95 “Quartetto Serioso”) Which I feel was wonderful of me.  I don’t normally share my quality music time with others, but I think they appreciated my generosity. For they stayed on and listened with me for almost 20 minutes.

6.) Crickets, locusts, or whatever the hell is making that dreadful noise outside my window. Maybe it is Joan’s  cicadas.

7.) Cravings for things that I know I cannot have ~ My Dad is out of the country, so of course I need a hug from him … Right Now.


8.) Wannabe comedians practicing their routines in my office ~ “No, I do not have an elevator in my office.” “I don’t know why you think you are hearing elevator music coming from here.” (and you would not recognize class if it bitch slapped you)

9.) My watch ~ As beautiful as it looks on my wrist, the blasted thing is making me itch. EVERYTHING is making me itch — Breathing is making me itch.

10.) Today is April 3rd and I don’t have another paid holiday until May 26th ~ That is 53 days away! Fuck, Shit, and Damn… I am not going to make it.

Peri-menopausal women get a free pass on cursing cuz we are de-de-de-delirious!

Mr. J said that I cannot use this as an open excuse to be bitchy

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!

*insert homicidal laughter*



13 Responses to “De-de-de-Delirious”

  1. joanharvest Says:

    I’m done with menopause. It was the only time I was ever happy to be fat. Estrogen is store in your fat cells so because I had more estrogen I didn’t get any symptoms of menopause. None. No hot flashes. Menopause just came and went. I was depressed during that time but I think that came more from dealing with a heroin addicted son.

    I did enjoy reading your list because menopause or not many of those things annoy me too, especially #3, #4 and #7. I hope tomorrow is better for you.

  2. Sarah Says:

    I love your list. I remember when I worked at the library I always had crazy people coming in and insisting that a book be banned. While I may not agree with the viewpoints of the people who write certain books, I’m sure that they may not agree with things that I have to say either and it just pisses me off when someone suggest a book be banned because they don’t like what someone has to say.

  3. supersarahann Says:

    Alright, so I’m probably NOT supposed to like your blog, but I do! I really do! (Don’t tell my hubby)

  4. betme Says:

    Joan ~ You are so lucky! My mood swings are wicked. I should post more of my happy, goofy stuff. The great moods are more common than the homicidal moments that leap into my head.

    Sarah ~ Book banning has rubbed me the wrong way for as long as I can remember. The thought that some kids may never read “Catcher in the Rye” or “Tom Sawyer” is beyond any logic. Parents will let their children play disturbing video games, watch just about any movie… BUT, want possibly offensive books removed from library shelves. AAAAARGH!

    Supersarahann ~ Shhhhhhhh… I won’t tell if you don’t. And I will not post anything too risqué on your blog. 😀

  5. Allison Says:

    What accounting program are you using? Can’t be QuickBooks, because it has a million differnt warning pop-ups for any accounting entry you want to make.

    Regarding the watch, give it up and free yourself from its restraints. I quit wearing one a few years ago (due to weight gain or swelling in pregnancy) and I haven’t looked back. There are clocks everywhere (including my cellphone), and I never have to worry about bracelets colliding/clashing with my watch.

  6. betme Says:

    I am using Peachtree and find it to be the most user un-friendly software for the construction field. I am keeping it because I enjoy a daily challenge. I preferred DacEasy but they phased out the Job Costing.

    Today I left my watch at home, on accident. I have wasted a great deal of time looking at my bare wrist to check the time. Old habits are tough to break.

  7. Allison Says:

    Construction accounting sucks.

  8. betme Says:

    hahaha No offense to your profession, but today I feel all accounting sucks. That is why I am putting together puzzles:

  9. thegirlfromtheghetto Says:

    There is nothing I love more than a paid government holiday. This is why I have March and April – no days off! Working fot the gov’t has really stolen my soul. BYW I am in perimenopause, too. Yeah!!!

  10. Peter Parkour Says:

    Your #1 holds true for WordPress comments too, or at least it did (I haven’t checked since the update). That’s how I managed to delete a few comments, the approve and delete button being right next to each other. DANG IT!

    #2… You’re mental. 😐 Poor Mr. J. I suggest you keep your door locked while cruising through the swamp. 😉

  11. romi41 Says:

    I feel like I just wanna run around singing the word “de-de-de-lirious” now, how catchy, hahaha 😉

    I think it’s so nice that you listen to Beethoven to calm the beast, so fuck those bitches who be interruptin’ you!!!!

  12. betme Says:

    GhettoGirl ~ Could you check with your Gov’t contacts and see if Perimenopausal is a legit plea for homicide. Covering my bases, just in case. 😉

    Peter ~ I’m not liking the new WordPress set up. Where did they hide spell check. I now have a #11 ~ deciding whether to leave my misssspellin in place, or refer to an old fashion dictionary.

    As for #2 ~ Thank you! Mental is the nicest thing I have been called all day. 🙂

    Romi~ Delirious is one of those songs that get up in my head and drown out all logical thinking.

    As for the “fuck those bitches who be interruptin’ you!!!!” ~ as tempting as it would seem, they really are not my type. 😀

  13. Gynecologist Humor « DisIsMyPlace Says:

    […] been in the dumps and have not felt like writing anything. I guess it is all part of that whole perimenopausal  thing… […]

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