Relieving Stress

My Ten on Thursday is a compilation of self help methods to relieve stress from your life. (Use at your own discretion)

1.) Golf ~ Some say this is a stress inducer, but they are going about it in the wrong way. When golfing, keep score the Mrs. J way:

10 points –  Hitting another golfer’s cart while it is moving.  Add 15 points if the ball hits an occupant in the cart.

25 points – hitting a golfer on the next green over. Subtract 10 points if the wounded golfer throws his clubs at you.

5 points – hitting a bird, squirrel, or dog. Animals are not worth the same point value as humans because we should not be cruel to animals. The exception to the rule would be if said animal is frothing at the mouth, in which case the point value triples. (provided you live to get your rabies shots)

No points are given for hitting houses, but the sound of the glass shattering can offer a surreal feeling of joy. High score wins. (not that anyone else will play along with you.)

2.)  One of my favorite stress relief tips – Take a relaxing bath.  Add music, candles and a glass of your favorite bubbly. Close the door and forget about everything else for an hour or so. When the pounding on the door becomes a nuisance, simply crank up the tunes and pour another glass of bubbly.

3.) Laugh. This is important. Laugh until you pee yourself and then laugh because you peed yourself. If you cannot find someone else to laugh at, be able to laugh at yourself. Hysterical laughter in the middle of the grocery store (when shopping by yourself) is the best. You can then laugh at all the dolts who are staring at you. It does not matter the reason, find someone to trip if you have to… but, LAUGH.

4.) Shoot a gun. Every time I pull the trigger a little stress is released. By the time that the barrel is smoking hot and I have imagined the demise of a complete third world country, my stress is gone for the day. Couple this with #3 – laughing in a manic sort of way, and everyone seems to leave you alone which is a bonus stress reducer.

5.) Go to the beach  and throw shells at the sea gulls. This works better if you have been feeding them bread for the past 3 months. When you tire of the simplicity of this game, move up to my favorite beach game – tossing annoying children into the surf and then run like hell. Their parents tend to get persnikety. Don’t worry, they never catch you as they are too busy playing the game of – rescue the tax break. 

6.) Get a massage. This should be done on a daily basis, happy ending and all. (I’m just saying)

7.) Eat a pound of really good chocolate, slowly letting the goodness melt in your mouth, one piece at a time. If the phone rings at any time during your chocolate indulgence, simply start over with a new box of chocolates.

8.) They claim that physical exercise is one of the most effective ways of relieving stress. When we physically exert ourselves by having a wild romp in the hay, the body releases endorphins that are similar in nature to opiates. (or maybe you could just take opiates.) *shrug* I am not a doctor, but just thinking, why go for a fake feeling of opiates when the real thing is out there?

9.) The next two go together; take off your shoes whenever possible and submerse yourself in aromatherapy. Obviously the aromatherapy will be needed to mask the funky green cloud which is hovering around your toes.

10.) Take breaks from work. I think a week off every three days should do the trick. If the boss becomes a dick about it, remind him that he is clouding up your zen zone.

It can be much easier to make changes and sustain those changes when you get regular support and love from close friends and family. If they are not willing to give you the love that you need, trade them in for a more supporting cast.  Hey, someone out there must love you in a supportive stalker-kind-of-adoring way. Don’t settle.

 

 

Tags: humor, stress