Archive for the ‘Imagination’ Category

Beads?????

November 21, 2008

So, I am sitting at a red light this morning when I glance over to the truck on my left. The driver gives me the “look.”

You know the look of which I speak; the look that says, “Let me take you for a ride.”  The look that undresses you and makes you feel slightly vulnerable.

Well thanks to extremely long red light, time seemed to freeze. Then his rear-view mirror caught my attention. Draped across the mirror were several (I would guess 50 or so) strands of Mardi Gras beads.

Which left me wondering….

a.) Do those beads belong to this guy’s wife/girlfriend? If so, why is he making lewd gestures in my direction? My mind never shuts off and is often flying on various tangents… Now I want to know what his home life is like:

  • Is he getting any at home?
  • Is he one of those fools who creeps even though his wife is wonderful?
  • Is his wife living on life support and unable to … ?

b.) Does this dude flash his boobies to collect the beads?

c.) Does this dude carry strands of beads in case some woman decides to flash her boobies for him?

or more than likely…

d.) The dude was just making weird faces because he had eaten something bad and also had something in his eye… He probably didn’t even notice I was looking at him.

… and then the light turned green and I was off chasing another tangent….

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Murphy’s Law

May 29, 2008

(also known as ‘Shit Happens’)

I can look fantabulicious when I head out the door for work; no food spilled on my dress, wearing two matching shoes, no runs in my stockings… and a perfectly working zipper.

As soon as I sit down at my desk I will either spill coffee in my lap, run my hose, or (as is the case today) realize my zipper has zipped it’s final zap.

I felt a slight chill on my butt crack and reached around in embarrassment, thinking I had forgotten to zip my skirt, or maybe the zipper had slipped down. No such luck, that puppy was split.

And Murphy, being his usual shit-head of a comedian, decided it would be much more entertaining if this would happen on a day I was wearing granny-panties. No delicate lace peeking out and enticing a wink out of the shop guys. No, my panties today are the type that leave people shrieking in horror, trying to look away… but, pulled back for another stomach wrenching, mouth dropping stare. Train-wreck panties

 Shower curtain panties

Not wanting to further traumatize my coworkers, and being a clever girl… I gathered up the necessary supplies and whipped up a new, more concealing dress. Form fitting and flattering. I know this to be true because of all the attention I am now getting.

Ladies, don’t fight me over this dress. I can make one for each of you. I found stacks of duct tape in the shop and it is just begging to be designed into high fashion.

Murphy and his set of laws annoyances can never outwit me!

 

So?

May 20, 2008

Is it a case of an over active imagination or an acute sense of awareness? You decide…

 

The question at hand is the business across the street from me. My desk sits facing a large picture window which gives me an excellent view of the street and of the business directly across form me.

 

On a slow day I may sit for hours watching the scenes unfolding across the way. Just call me Gladys Kravitz. I have my very own “Drug Cartel – God Father – Fast and the Furious – Training Day” movie playing out for my daily amusement via my picture window.

 

I should note that the business runs under 4-5 different business names and tax ID numbers. I know this because we have done work on their building and they have asked us to bill it to one or another of their names and I always ask for a W-9

 

Here are a few of the ‘whimsical’ events I have witnessed:

 

1.) Stretch Limousine sitting in front of my window in our parking lot. BMW comes out of the shop across the street, driver of the BMW gets out, walks to the limo and hands a brief case thru the back passenger window. An arm (I must assume a body is attached to the arm) reaches out of the limo and hands the BMW driver a large envelope. The limo pulls off. The driver of the BMW drives back across the street and pulls back into the shop.

 

As this is unfolding, I am on my cell phone describing the events to Mr. J. and he keeps saying, “Stay away from the window. Don’t let anyone know that you are watching. Stay away from the damn window!”  How can I watch if I move away from the window?

 

*side note* My blinds are set at an angle so that I can see out, but people outside cannot see in.

 

2.) …  this one happens regularly… Two or three souped up little Toyotas will pull into the shop, one after the other. They are in their less than ten minutes and then they all pull out together and jet down the street.

 

I know I am being presumptuous… They are just pizza delivery boys making a pizza stop. There is no way they are picking up or delivering anything illegal. That would just be wrong.

 

3.) The Porsche incident – Two identical black Porsches pull into the parking spaces in front of my window. They are no more than 3 feet from the window. If you are not familiar with the Porsche, the trunks are in the front. They both pop their trunks and swap brief cases.

 

I swear one guy looked up and looked right at me. I froze, thinking maybe he could see me… But they went about their business, shook hands and drove their respective ways.

 

Again… My imagination or they were merely trading lunches?

 

4.) Cop pulls in and I am sure they are finally going to get busted. No way! A young lady comes out, leans in the window of the patrol car and hand the officer a package. Funny how he comes by for his ‘package’ on a regular basis now.

 

 

Is my mind playing games with me, keeping me locked in TV movie-land? Is the young woman handing her husband, who happens to be a cop, his lunch as well? Maybe I don’t know all the businesses across the street. Perhaps they also have a business license for Deli services.

 

5.) Truck loads of big screen TV’s being unloaded one day and loaded onto another truck the next day.

 

Again… another business license that I am unaware of. They must also be a part-time warehouse for a home theater installation business.

 

6.) Very, very expensive cars unloaded, driven into the shop for 20-30 minutes, and loaded back up into the trailer of the Semi.

 

I am guessing the owner of same said expensive car sent it to Houston to have them install one of the warehoused big screen TVs.  Or more likely an alarm, right? There is a logical explanation… Right?

 

 

Saeed and the boys across the street ARE honest, law abiding citizens, who’s only faults are running a business (or 8 ) across the street from an imaginative woman.