Archive for the ‘Death’ Category

The Police Report

November 22, 2008

First let me clarify… I am in no way involved in the report.

We were at a bar-b-que enjoying the fine Texas atmosphere of cold beer, half drunk women draped across boisterous manly men, who raved about their heroes on the football field. Ya know, Basic Texas stuff.

We were joined by a couple of Houston’s finest, Boys in Blue. (the Law)

It wasn’t long before they too had cups of …ummm… soda (yeah I am sure they wouldn’t be drinking on the job)

One of the officers began telling of a report that he had to file some time back. It was a terrible accident scene. The rider of the motorcycle had been thrown off his bike and an arm severed.

The officer said, “I found his arm laying in the esplanade, but I didn’t know how to spell esplanade, so I picked the arm up and tossed it in the ditch.”

I almost did an un-lady-like thing and spit my drink all over the place. It was so funny hearing him explain. (not funny that some poor soul was had his arm severed and was killed.) But funny that the officer was so…

I don’t even know how to describe him… It sounded like a screwball twisted line from Scary Movie.

The funny part was knowing it was a real event. Life is funnier than any writer could ever imagine in a script. (well, it is for me in my Twilight Zone existence)


A Sign?

April 21, 2008

It seems that every time I turn around I am being lambasted with offers for life insurance. My blog gets 10 to 15 life insurance spam hits per day. Do I give the impression that I live on the edge? Is it my whining about my ‘hood’? Perhaps it is my discussions about firing my gun more than one might consider to be the norm? The fact that I trip over imaginary lines on the floor or walk into walls even when sober? My anger issues? My driving skills, or lack thereof?

I laugh about the spam and toss out the offers that fill my PO Box, never giving them a second thought.

And then I receive a call from a life insurance company. It went like this:

“Is this Mr. J?”

“No, this is Mrs. J.”

“Well, Mr J. wanted to purchase a life insurance policy from our company.” (my mind begins to spin. What have I done to have Mr J wanting to take out more insurance? Dinner was not that bad last night…)

I asked the rep, “Does he want to take out additional insurance on himself or for me? If it is a policy for me, I need to know. Do I need to be nicer to my husband?”

The rep was so quiet, I thought he had hung up the phone.

He hesitated too long, and I hung up on him!

I Love him… No Foolin

April 1, 2008

Ok, I had some fun yesterday with my implication of impropriety.

Last night I recited the  poem  for my hubby…

He became sullen. Turning his head in a deliberately slow manner, he asked me point blank: “Would you cheat on me?”

I should have known that my exquisite word play would mess with his head. Too much double meaning, too many ‘what ifs’ left hanging in the air. It was intentional. I had hoped to make one think, to question…

I stifled the chuckle that tried to escape, stared boldly into his eyes, and responded with absolute resolve, “Never.”

Not content he pursued, “You are supposed to say that.”

“Honey, honey, honey… Why would I ever settle for a hotdog when I have Filet Minot at home?”

 Still not convince he pulled me closer and asked, “What if a younger cut of beef catches your eye?” (We tend to use food metaphors quite often.)  

“Oh, my love… You know I prefer the taste and texture of a quality cut of aged beef.”

He smiled contently and told me that he was starving… No, not sexually. *drats*


 All the beef talk had made him hungry. I need to work on some non food descriptions of devotion.  

This all led to our question of the day: (he asked me)

“What if I was being held prisoner and my captor was going to kill me unless you had sex with him, would you have sex with the gunman to save my life?”

This is a trick question; a very bad, sick, twisted trick question.

So, I answered with a bold, sick, twisted answer: “No, I still would not have sex with another man, not even to save your life. For, you would be alive to contemplate the fact that I had sex with someone other than yourself. You would forever hound me with bizarre questions and endless doubts. No, it would be best for both of us if I let you die.”

Yes, he almost choked on his tea.

He knows without a doubt that I will step in front of a speeding soccer mom, take on a village of rabid pygmies, sale body parts on eBay, or even attempt to rip the genitals from an attacking rhino before I would allow anyone to intentionally harm those I love.

To hear that I would let him die, left him all choked up. Kind of romantic isn’t it? -P

The Dark Side of My Mind

February 8, 2008

From time to time I slip into a dark place.

Events around me force out deep emotions, and feelings are stirred. Feelings that I did not know existed… Deep dark pain.

I wrote this poem during one of my those dark periods. I was trying to wrap my mind around the idiopathic gnashing from those who, looking in from afar, decided the fallen deserved public ridicule. They did not know him, only of him. Yet, they acted as if it were their duty to berate his memory, slander his name, taunt his soul. Knowing he would never be able to rise and silence the lies.

Taunting the Soul

Whence do they come,

These cold sneering taunts

Laughing and chiding

The body lying lifeless

In the pool of blood? 

Shrugging off the spirit

Unseen to the crowd

Which hovers uncertain

In the din of the night. 

Was he an offender

Deserving of shame?

Trampling innocents,

Gnashing the crippled

Who lay helpless

All alone? 

There lies the body.

Do they not see the soul?  

The mocking voices

Circling, hurling vulgarities. 

Can they not see? 

He was a father,

a son,

a friend. 

They cannot feel his parent’s screams

Wrenching the breath from their deep beating hearts… 

Begging God to let him live,

To ease the aching… 


One more day… 

Whence do they come

Can they not feel the pain?

Bear with me if you can… I fear I am slipping back to the dark side.

Dream a little Dream…

February 1, 2008

I chose this video because I heart Louis, especially when I am feeling a bit blue…

However, today the song has more to do with dreams themselves and less (actually nothing) to do with the blues.

I have bizarre dreams. They are wickedly scary. I am often awakened by my own screams or my hubby wakes me when I am crying. I am going to share a couple:

1.) It is very dark and I am on the street in a residential area. Someone is trying to kill me. I cannot see him, but I can sense that he is getting closer. I am running down the middle of the street and I can feel the cool pavement under my bare feet. My heart is pounding so fast.

I am searching for a place to hide, when I see my house. But, it is actually my childhood home. I run onto the porch, he is close behind me. We struggle for awhile and then I stab him in the side with a broken broom handle. I am watching his eyes. He looks scared. (as scared as I am feeling) In my dream, I can feel his warm blood running over my hands and I push the broom handle in deeper…

It is at this point that I wake up. I have had this dream a couple of times. Makes me wonder if I could actually do that to someone.

2.) This dream is quite short:

I am laying somewhere dark. I have been injured. I don’t remember how or if anyone else is around (or may have caused my injury). But, I am gagging on the blood in my throat. I cannot breath. At first I am scared and then I just let myself die. It feels so peaceful, and then the dream fades out…

Kinda creepy huh?

I shared these and a couple more with  good friend who is a licenced ‘shrink’. She asked me to keep a note book beside the bed and to write in as soon as I woke up. A dream journal. She told me that she had to do just that in college and I would be surprised by the correlation to my dream sequences and my menstruation cycle.

OK, she asked me to do this almost a year ago. But, for some reason I have never remembered to bring a notebook up to bed. I want to try this.

If anyone else is game, let me know what you find out. I am very curious.