I am not so egocentric to believe I can somehow obtain either World Domination or World Peace, nor am I sure which I would prefer if I were given the choice.
I have lowered my goals to a level somewhere in the area of Bedroom Domination and Peace Piece of Chocolate.
Ya’ll can work on conquering the world by your damn selves. I am at war with the bitch in my uterus.
Stop groaning… This is not another post about blood clots and tampons (well, it wasn’t until you made me go there)
This is a post about finding my Zen. I like that word, but have never looked up the true meaning. I have decided that I don’t want to know exactly what it means. In my world, words mean what I want them to mean. It is a pretty cool way to live, confusing as hell to those around me, but it fucking rocks to be me in my world.
I know that sounds very egotistical. *shrugs* Perhaps, but I am in menstrual mental survival mode, (Mental, being the key word.) and I am tweaking the system.
So…. (I am going somewhere with this, I think)
In my new state of Zen, I decided that I did not want to cook an eight course dinner last night. Rather than slicing and dicing veggies, I chose to meditate over a plate of chocolate chip cookies.
… When I was rudely slapped back to reality by my Funkadelic ring tone on my shiny new cell phone. One tends to lose all recollection of earth shattering revelations for domination when your thoughts are jarred by “P.Funk (Wants to Get Funked Up)”
Mr. J: Please tell me we are having something good for dinner. I am starving.
My witty self: No, just the normal shit that I cook.
Mr. J: You know what I meant.
Me, not giving an inch: Well, you are requesting something good tonight, implying that it was possibly something crappy the night before and you want to make sure I do not make the same plans for tonight because you cannot stomach crappy too many nights in a row. Correct?
Mr. J: Are you on you period?
Me: If I answer yes, will you settle for pizza and beer?
Mr. J: NO, I am not on my period and would like real food for dinner.
Me: How about Chili-Mac?
Mr. J: (who, I might add is laughing his ass off) Do grown people eat that shit on purpose?
Me: Does that mean you do not want Chili-Mac? How about Cream of Wheat?
Mr. J: Oh shit! You are on your period.
For the record I did cook a real dinner. I just cannot remember what the hell it was. Oh yes, chili dogs and French fries… hahaha… Ok, so it was not a real dinner.
Now excuse me while I slip back into my P-Funk Zen … I want to get funked up.
DisIsMyPlace 
June 20, 2008 at 9:15 am |
Now I want a chili dog.
June 20, 2008 at 9:53 am |
{slides a plate of chocolate chip cookies through the screen because Dis is Your Place and you need some.} I understand completely! 😀
June 20, 2008 at 10:03 am |
Chili dogs and french fries ARE real dinners. At least for men. What’s up with that?!?
BTW, Dys and I were talking about the radio show over our takeout Chinese and one of us mentioned the bit about Mr. J being jealous. I said “I dunno Mr. J, but from everything I’ve read, he doesn’t seem like the kinda guy I want mad at me.”
[Go Bootsy!]
June 20, 2008 at 10:46 am |
I don’t mean to laugh at your PMS misery but I did anyway. Sorry! But this was too funny. Your conversation with Mr. J was cracked me up.
June 20, 2008 at 11:07 am |
Of course grown people eat that stuff. The only things you really give up are Ramen Noodles and SPAM, and you only give those up because you have a regular source of income and can afford real noodle and real meat.
Pizza and beer sounds good, thanks for the Friday night dinner idea.
June 20, 2008 at 12:16 pm |
I wanted to feed pizza and Baskin Robbins to my kids last night, but only if M’s kids joined us. My daughter and I had chicken chef salads and my son had nuggets and fries.
We still did 31 Flavors. *grin*
June 20, 2008 at 1:09 pm |
Girly ~ I know, and I STILL want some chili-mac. Cravings are a bitch (and so am I) 😉
K ~ Thanks and feel free to come on over and share the plate with me any time.
Taoist B ~ I have completely spoiled Mr. J by cooking complete (and healthy) dinners, made mostly from scratch for years. Now when I feel the need to back-slide, he becomes confused. Actually, he was pretty cool about what I fixed.
… And yes, Mr. J is very protective and at times annoyingly jealous. He will give you the last dollar in his wallet or the shirt off his back; just don’t ask him to share ME in any way. I often kid with him that he must have missed the lessons on sharing in kindergarten.
Joan ~ I am glad you laughed. We have some pretty crazy conversations. We talk that way to each other all the time, even in public. People are often staring in disbelief because they think we are serious.
MJ ~ I just asked my co-workers if they still eat chili-mac. They all agree with Mr. J. Personally, I think they are afraid to admit that they like it they and are going to go home and secretly make a huge batch and wolf it down.
LL ~ That sounds good too. How many of the 31 flavors did you do? 😉
Another food that Mr. J seems to think that he is too mature to eat is fish sticks. I LOVE fish sticks and fix them for myself when he is working late.
June 20, 2008 at 2:30 pm |
I’m diggin’ the chili mac and the Ramen noodles. 😀 And who in their right mind says no to pizza??? I had total respect for Mr. J up until just now. 😉 Eh, you’re both pretty cool in my book, and you’re just plain funny. 🙂 Hope you’re feeling better real soon, if not already. 😉
June 20, 2008 at 4:41 pm |
Every time I get my period I make myself macaroni and cheese, and not the stuff out of the box (I love the box stuff, don’t get me wrong). It drives my husband nuts because he will not eat mac and cheese if it were the last thing on earth. I just tell him “I shop for it, cook it and clean it. If you don’t like it, eat your chef boyardee.”
June 20, 2008 at 8:36 pm |
I so don’t miss “blood clots and tampons”….
When you’re feeling that low and need to get funked up, any food you want to eat is OK. Chocolate chip cookies sound like a good plan. They contain healthy things like eggs, flour, butter, and chocolate! Practically the four major food groups!
June 21, 2008 at 10:42 am |
Thanks for letting me visit you world!
June 21, 2008 at 4:43 pm |
If you can’t be egotistical on your own blog, where can you be? Dis is your place, after all.
June 22, 2008 at 11:39 am |
P.S. Tag, you’re it. See my latest post for details. Of course, I can’t make you do it since I don’t pack heat 🙂
June 22, 2008 at 11:35 pm |
My favorite quick meal is frozen pizza, second only to Steak-ums. My god, who the hell can cook every night of the week after going to work? Not me … My BFF is down to making toast as a meal … just toast … seriously.
June 22, 2008 at 11:50 pm |
The husband doesnt ask if Im on my period.
He says, “You’re chemically imbalanced right now, arent you?”
Yeah .. such a man.
Dogs and fries arent a real meal? Doh!
June 23, 2008 at 12:38 am |
I want that food 🙂
June 23, 2008 at 2:34 pm |
Hi b,
For a good Zen infusion, I suggest splitting firewood. To make an easy task of it, you have to be very in touch with both yourself and the specific block of wood to be cleaved, as each blow needs to be delivered at just the right place to exploit a weakness in the wood. It’s great mental practice, and good exercise. Also, you can practice ax throwing during breaks, which is also very Zen.
Mister Manly