Say What?

Last night I was sweeping off the patio while Mr. J was talking with Mike, our neighborhood drug dealer. (Every neighborhood needs someone to dispense the pharmaceuticals, right?)


Out of the blue, Mike throws out this gem:


“When your wife is sitting at her desk, it would be real easy for someone to shoot her.”


I almost dropped the broom. I must have heard him wrong. There is absolutely no way someone would actually say that… I discovered rather quickly that there is no way someone with more than four brain cells would actually utter those words.


I could feel Mr. J’s jaw clenching from 10 yards away. Even the birds in the trees stopped chirping. Oh, this is not gonna end well.


Mr. J: Come again?


Mike: I’m just saying, she shouldn’t sit where people can see her. Just lookin’ out for her, man.


Note: To see me at my desk one would need to have a ladder or be sitting in the tree in the front yard.  This guy was giving me the creeps.


Mr. J stepped up nose to nose with Mike, who was pinned against the fence and said, If my wife so much as breaks a finger nail and I find out you were within 100 yards of her, I will hunt you down. Do you understand? That goes for your drug buddies as well.


Mike: Oh no Mr. J, I would never hurt your wife. You know that. I was just worried about her.


It was at that time that I used our ‘break-it-up’ code. I told Mr. J that he had an important phone call.  


In the house, Mr. J was still shaking with furry. He told me that I should have let him beat the point into Mike’s thick skull. He wanted to make sure that Mike knew he was serious, and that Mike was afraid.


I smiled and explained that Mike was indeed scared as he had peed in his pants.


Speaking of phone calls…


I have had the same cell phone for years. I cannot take picture, access the internet or even text. I can however send and receive phone calls, which is the reason I purchased it.


This picture was ganked from  Zigzackly 


Yesterday, I opened it up for what was probably the 48 thousandth time and it broke in half. I am left debating whether or not to replace it. You see it still works fine. I am able to send and receive calls, but I need to hold the two pieces together.


While searching for pictures of my particular cell phone, I found this cool replacement.



This picture ganked from  Nulldot


Yes, it is an actual cell phone and only slightly larger than the one I now carry. I also saw a cell phone that looks like a gun. This is a tragedy waiting to happen. I hope it is a photshop picture.



This picture ganked from Spiiderweb



15 Responses to “Say What?”

  1. Just a Mom Says:

    You sound like me with the cell phone. I actually hate talking on the phone! I will not drive and talk on the cell phone which drives my husband crazy. I do like my cell phone camera, because I get great shots of the kids which I wouldn’t have gotten without it.
    Let me know if Mr. J needs any help getting the message across to Mike!

  2. Dave Says:

    Funny thing…I was just talking to a guy on a board about what a swell place Houston is.

    Better get out of there.

  3. Glassowater Says:

    oooh! I’m not a big fan of guns, but I love the cell phone gun! 🙂

  4. mistermanly Says:

    Hi b,

    It sounds to me like you need tinted and/or bullet proof windows.

    As to cell phones, my wife forced me to get one so she can reach me even in the remote areas of our farm. I was not terribly enthusiastic about this, at first, but then it occurred to me how nice it would be not to be pinned under the tractor/fallen tree/whatever for a day or three before anyone noticed my absence and went looking. I must admit, now that I have one, I find the camera quite nice as it means I don’t have to carry a separate and heavier one, the built in clock relieves me of the dangerous burden of wearing a watch, and the thing works when the power is out and/or the phone lines are down so I can call the appropriate agency and request repairs. The only problem I have with it is an almost uncontrollable desire to say, “Beam me up Scotty!” every time I flip it open.

    As to your phone, may I suggest duct tape and super glue?

    Mister Manly

  5. Peter Parkour Says:

    If you’ve been with the same carrier all this time I’m sure they will replace your old phone with a new one for free, and there are still a few fairly basic models out there for folks that aren’t looking for more than just a phone. 😉

  6. liquid Says:

    Now I must say this……….that comment was kinda’ creepy. The dude had obviously put a bit of thought into his concern. That’s the creepy part, to me. Maybe you should get one of those phones that looks like a gun and put it next to your keyboard, window side, while you work. That or a huge ass stick with blood stains on it. Either one should get the message across.

    But, whadda I know?


  7. joanharvest Says:

    I’d of caned the little shit. I’m not afraid of drug dealers anymore because of what I went through with my son. Everyone knows in town not to fuck with me when it comes to drugs. I can be a real hard ass about that and I’ve made that fact known. I once told one of them that if anything ever happens to me or my house again I have a list of dealers I will turn over to the police. Sorry about ranting but I have no use for drug dealers.

  8. joanharvest Says:

    Oh, about the cell phone, Peter’s right, you can probably get a new one either free or very cheap.

  9. Sarah Says:

    Uh, I don’t even know how to comment to what that asshat said to Mr. J. I’m disturbed, and he needs to have the shit kicked out of him. Peeing his pants isn’t quite enough. Of course Mr. J and his reply is comforting. You guys can’t get out of there soon enough.

  10. thegirlfromtheghetto Says:

    Umm, just in case … you moved your desk away from the window, right? Damn drug dealer!

  11. Allison Says:

    Thank goodness he presented that thought-provoking nugget of wisdom. I’m sure you had never considered the possibility of being shot through your 2nd story window while paying bills or typing a blog. What a freak.

  12. Red Says:

    Geez, that Mike sure is a winner, aint he! What a douche.
    As far as the phone goes, that’s what they make duct tape for! 😉

  13. betme Says:

    JAM ~ I am looking on line at a camera phone… I am just not so big on changes.

    Dave ~ I love Houston… I just don’t love some of the people living in my neighborhood. It is a beautiful area.

    GOW ~ Here in the city, you would probably be shot by someone who thought you were armed. The police have been known to shoot people carrying those pellet guns that look like real guns.

    Mr. Manly ~ Don’t laugh, but I am holding it together with a rubberband for now. 😀

    Spidey ~ Yes, they will give me a knew phone and a new two year contract… But, I LIKE the phone I have now. We are kind of attached to each other and i fear it might have abandonment issues.

    Liquid ~ It was very creepy. The dud is SIMPLE minded, but being dumb can be dangerous for those around him (like me for instance) I have been thinking about puttin up a big sign in the window that reads: If you can read this sign you are in the view of our security cameras.

    Joan ~ Between your cane, liquid’s stick and JAMom’s grit… we can do some serious damage to him. I seem to recall that Trisha offered to help me bury a body or two. 😉

    Sarah ~ It looks like we will have enough for a downpayment saved up in October! We are already checking out the market… and counting down.

    GhettoGirl ~ I have not brought myself to use that computer since. 😦

    Allison ~ What would we do without the wisdom coming from crack dealers?

    Red ~ He is not a douche… A douche is a nice smelling liquid that enhances the adventure park… 😉 As for the phone, if I duct tape it shut, I cannot answer it and if I duct tape it open I don’t hear it ring… phooooey.

  14. K. Trainor Says:

    *boogety!* Think I’d have shades or curtains or something on that window immediately. That’s just creepy!

    As for the phone, I completely understand. I’m fond of my ‘old and trusty’ stuff, too. I have a beat to shit adding machine with no marks on the keys (worn off) that prints so light it’s barely legible even with a brand new ribbon. I’ve replaced it twice and given away the new models both times. I LIKE my old piece of crap, and they simply don’t make the same model anymore. Good luck on replacing that phone, but keep that old one handy just in case. 😉

  15. betme Says:

    Mike and his wife and son were on a four day vacation. Although I have no idea what they need a rest from as they do not work. Anyhooooooo… It was nice to have all drug traffic come to a stand-still while they were gone!

    I finally ordered a phone over the weekend. Mine lost the volume. I can tell that I have received a call because I set it on vibrate (and hold it between my legs) BUT, I cannot hear a word that the caller is saying.

    I ordered a Samsung BlackJack with all the little gadgets, which may never be used.

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