Basic Instructions for Surviving

” … or Learn from my Mistakes 101 …”

Today’s step-by-step lesson plan is based on what else? My Saturday morning… 

 *Note* Mr. J is out taking the CHL course so that he too can carry legally. I am left to make mistakes all by myself. *grin*

Here it is in a nut shell (nut being the appropriate term):

1. Sort laundry – check

2. Begin cleaning old fish tank for re-assembling – check

3. Pause for breakfast of cold steak and mimosas (plural) – check

4. Make the bed – lay and watch 15 minutes of news – check

5. Make another mimosa to keep champagne from going flat – check

6. Check e-mails and peruse various blogs – check

7. Run water hose to 100 gallon aquarium and begin filling – check

8. Fold load of towels and read a few more emails – check

9. Scrub upstairs bathroom *gag* – check

10. Come downstairs and slosh thru the water that is flowing from the top of the aquarium all over the dining room – check

11. Curse like a drunken sailor – check

12. Shut off water, mop the floor with freshly laundered towels, pour another mimosa (this one was really needed) – check

13. Assess my excellent ability to handle a traumatic situation while slightly inebriated – check

14. Deciding to relax the remainder of the day (to avoid further damage) – check

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11 Responses to “Basic Instructions for Surviving”

  1. boundandgags Says:

    You could market this as a self-help show called The Sloshing Life Coach!

  2. joanharvest Says:

    I like 3,5,12 & 14. Especially 14. Today all I have to do is last night’s dishes. I was hoping someone would do them for me. I don’t know what I was thinking. I must have a brain tumor. At some point, I do have to go pick up my daughter at the boat which means I can’t have my two weekly rum and diet cokes until after that. I hope she’s on an early boat.

  3. Sarah Says:

    Ah yes, the Mimosa breakfast. Sometimes it is the only thing worth getting out of bed for in the morning. Sure as hell makes the rest of the day (especially the scrubbing of the bathroom) seem a lot more tolerable. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow when I’m doing the same thing.

  4. Red Says:

    hahah, oh geez.
    Nex’ time just do the Mimosas and chill. That’s what Im gonna do!

  5. K. Trainor Says:

    Ohhhhhhh noooooooo. You poor thing! I understand the mess–we came home to a cracked aquarium and 30 gallons of fish water on the living room floor once. NOT fun. (And as I recall, dh and I did some drunken sailor type swearing as well.)

    Hope the rest of the day is MUCH better!

  6. Patrick Says:

    Now that’s the kind of list that can counteract procrastination. That’s the kind of ‘to-do’ list that I need to cut and paste onto mine. If I woke up Sunday morning, and saw that list, I would be just raring to explode out of the sprinting blocks. I may have to put what you had for breakfast into my dinner though, hehehe.

    Anyways, I’m going to try to add some excitement, captions, quotes, brackets, conversations, into my ‘to-do’ lists to spice them up. I’ll need it….tomorrow is Monday morning. I don’t ever want tonight to end.
    -patrick

  7. Peter Parkour Says:

    Dang, I hate it when that happens, except then it happens to you. 😛 Then it’s not so bad. 😉 Poor baby.

  8. betme Says:

    B&G ~ What do you think of the title, “Sloshing while Sloshed” ???

    Joan ~ I have not had rum and coke since I was too young to drink legally. There is nothing quite like the vivid memory of passing out wrapped around the toilet bowl to cure me of rum forEVER.

    Sarah ~ I think everyone should have a drink in their system before facing a dirty toilet. Ya know, to give yourself a little courage.

    Red ~ I should have consulted with you, oh wise one, before I started my day.

    K.T ~ Aquarium mishaps are the best incentive for me to clean my floors. Did your poor fish live thru the ordeal? The rest of my day was beautiful (what I remember) 😉

    Patrick ~ I am glad that you were able to see the list as ‘half full’. You are an optimist. I felt the list would act more as a life (as I live it) deterrent.

    If you are lucky enough to be stuck forever on the weekend, please inform us of the necessary steps for the same results.

    Spidey ~ Funny, I much prefer when it happens to you. We are kind of alike in that sense. 😀

  9. ella Says:

    You drink a lot don’t you?

  10. K. Trainor Says:

    Nope. We had full grown piranha that were really fun to watch and a neat conversation starter–but they didn’t make it. 😦

  11. Dave Says:

    Erma Bombeck lives! She’s in a corner table in a Starbuck’s on Westheimer, huddled over her coffee and her laptop.

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