(also known as ‘Shit Happens’)
I can look fantabulicious when I head out the door for work; no food spilled on my dress, wearing two matching shoes, no runs in my stockings… and a perfectly working zipper.
As soon as I sit down at my desk I will either spill coffee in my lap, run my hose, or (as is the case today) realize my zipper has zipped it’s final zap.
I felt a slight chill on my butt crack and reached around in embarrassment, thinking I had forgotten to zip my skirt, or maybe the zipper had slipped down. No such luck, that puppy was split.
And Murphy, being his usual shit-head of a comedian, decided it would be much more entertaining if this would happen on a day I was wearing granny-panties. No delicate lace peeking out and enticing a wink out of the shop guys. No, my panties today are the type that leave people shrieking in horror, trying to look away… but, pulled back for another stomach wrenching, mouth dropping stare. Train-wreck panties
Shower curtain panties
Not wanting to further traumatize my coworkers, and being a clever girl… I gathered up the necessary supplies and whipped up a new, more concealing dress. Form fitting and flattering. I know this to be true because of all the attention I am now getting.
Ladies, don’t fight me over this dress. I can make one for each of you. I found stacks of duct tape in the shop and it is just begging to be designed into high fashion.
Murphy and his set of laws annoyances can never outwit me!
Tags: humour
DisIsMyPlace 
May 29, 2008 at 10:00 am |
Uhhhhhhhhhhh, what can I possibly say?
DS
May 29, 2008 at 10:45 am |
Don ~ Funny, but that is the same response I am getting in the office. The awesomeness of my dress has left everyone speechless.
If you want I can whip up a fancy suit for you.
May 29, 2008 at 12:36 pm |
Sweetness, that is one even this Redneck never saw in the Duct Tape Book! Holy Mother of Pontificating Poontang! I’m glad to see you were smart enough to apply Saran Wrap tp yore li’l hide before you fashioned that “ensemble”!
May 29, 2008 at 1:02 pm |
Ya got any pink duct tape?
Shower curtain panties *snort*
May 29, 2008 at 2:59 pm |
Trisha ~ I suppose if one were to forgo the plastic liner, they would also have a great hair removal product. Ya know… A two-fo-one special. 🙂
Red ~ I found some Orange and some Red… I am thinking handbags are next on the list.
To the little miss prissy pants who sent the email asking me to please add a few more layers to the bottom of my sexy dress…
Uh NO! How do you expect me to take care of my femininininity issues in the little girls room? Ya want me to just pee thru the cracks? 😀
May 29, 2008 at 5:08 pm |
Did you fancy up your shoes to match?
May 29, 2008 at 5:17 pm |
You know you look like a skank dont you?
May 29, 2008 at 5:54 pm |
OK…………….I’ve got a “thing” for Duct Tape!
Bravo!
May I order one just like this one, in CAMO?
Lovely, dear!
May 29, 2008 at 5:55 pm |
But why the heck did ya’ put celophane on under the dress?
*shrugs*
May 29, 2008 at 6:47 pm |
I’ve been sitting here laughing way to much over this but it just cracked me up. I can just see me in a duct tape dress. I’m sorry but it would have to be duct tape pants for me. I love the “no food spilled on my dress”. I wear glasses that hang around my neck and my glasses catch all the food I spill. Of course, the food stains it’s way down my shirt until it reaches my glasses but at least I don’t have to pick it up off the floor. My glasses are clean so I can still eat it. 🙂
May 29, 2008 at 10:42 pm |
That’s uhh….quite the dress there. Think I’ll pass on the mini, but if you can whip me up a pair of pants, I’ll be right over to get them.
Sorry to hear about the zipper–that must’ve been embarassing. 😦
May 29, 2008 at 11:47 pm |
WOW TOO SHINY;)
May 29, 2008 at 11:48 pm |
I have good news btw
May 30, 2008 at 12:08 am |
Wow…um…
I got so much I want to say, but it’s hard to speak.
This is when I can really use the time to procrastinate, Um…okay…I’ll limit myself to duct tape. I’m a huge fan of duct tape; I use it for almost every purpose imaginable, but there’s no way, no way, no matter how I stretch my mind, no way I could have imagined a duct tape dress. Not duct tape to fix a dress, but duct tape as the actual dress!
You are a genius..and wow….you really give a lot of good ideas. I’ll have to come back but in small steps. The heart can only take so much at one sitting.
You are great!
-patrick
May 30, 2008 at 9:02 am |
Wow. You gonna put that thing on eBay? 😉
Nice blog.
May 30, 2008 at 10:06 am |
Leisha ~ Gosh, I never thought about purtying up my shoes to match! Maybe next time.
Ella ~ I am in shock! Me, a skank? Who’d a thunk it? (see today’s post) 😀
Liquid ~ I think you are on to something with the camo version. Accessorize with an M4 or an M16 and some sexy combat boots, yes it could work.
… and the plastic is also known as protective coating. A girl might want to remove the dress after a hard day at the office.
Joan ~ I believe pants are very do-able and would add a layer of sexiness that should be shared. You are so resourceful with your glasses. Since they ARE clean, you can lick the food right off the lenses. Way to go girl!
K.T. ~ Don’t worry, minis are always in style. Perhaps, if you are shy, I will whip you up a nice pair of leggings to go under.
(and the zipper thing was not too bad. I have my own office and very few visitors.)
Kaylee ~ Shiny is so pretty huh? Btw I am heading to your blog in a second to hear your good news!
Patrick ~ I had to laugh… Your first visit to my blog and you get to see the duct tape! There is nowhere for me to go from there but up. 🙂 Baby steps might be the best way to get to know me… I tend to scare people. Bwahahahahaha… um, sorry.
MJ ~ Thanks for the kind words… I don’t think it would be right to sell the dress. I might want to go out to dinner in the near future… and then I would need to start all over.
May 30, 2008 at 12:35 pm |
Re: the reply to Prissy Pants…
BWAAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAH!!!
May 30, 2008 at 4:53 pm |
Hi betme,
I would just point out that it’s not the panties that matter, but what’s in them that’s important.
Mister Manly
May 30, 2008 at 10:28 pm |
I used to make duct tape bras when I was in high school. I could never find a sports bra that fit me right, so in order to be able to run properly in softball I would tape my girls down. I was the biggest busted girl on my softball team.
I could do that dress easily, in red please. 🙂
May 31, 2008 at 5:46 am |
😯
May 31, 2008 at 10:25 am |
Taoist ~ Thanks… But, I seriously do not believe Miss Prissy thought her comment thru. I would hate for her to whip out her own dress and forego an outlet for um, delicate issues.
Mr. Manly ~ Knowing of your astute observations in the advice world, I am absorbing your sage wisdom. I will share your knowledge with the next gawker. 😉
Sarah ~ You sure know how to use the duct tape to your best advantage. Maybe we can swap tips. If I would have duct taped the girls down during softball, I would have flattened out the toilet paper stuffing. 😀
Spidey ~ Put them eyeballs back in your head… There is nothing to see here. 😉
October 31, 2010 at 9:03 am |
shower curtains that are made from acrylic and polyester are the most durable ones, that is why we always use them .
June 5, 2016 at 2:35 am |
こんにちわ
私は福岡の脱毛サロン選びのランキングについてのサイトを運営しています。誰もが知りたい勧誘や失敗のない脱毛サロン、全身脱毛する時のポイント、全国展開していて安心できる脱毛サロンを福岡で探すには？、福岡の?脱毛ラボはどんな感じ？、などなど全てまとめました。福岡で脱毛するならココがおすすめ。脱毛サロンに安心して通うには「ポイント」があります。今すぐクリックして確認してください。
February 24, 2017 at 8:38 pm |
ハロー。僕は今月の末日で23歳と6カ月になります。そして子に季節になりました。ですからできればいらない毛はをやりたいですよね。最近は、全国に脱毛エステがたくさんあります。やりたい部分は、個人差が、特に脱毛したいのはアンダーヘアです。私は、全身脱毛のシースリーに行ってます。そのおかげで、だいぶムダ毛が減っています。やはり自分で処理するのとは、効果が凄いです。シースリーに通ってムダ毛を少なくしたいです。でも、脱毛クリニックに通ったとしても知りたいのは脱毛にかかる料金です。それについては、先生に聞けばいいでしょう。それと気になるのが、どれくらい通わないといけないのかです。自分はできれば、3カ月くらいで全部終わってくれると助かりますね。まあ、行こうと思っている人は相談してみましょう。