Bless My Heart

It happens… People do things.. We could all use a big ol blessing from time to time…

 

1. People are paying $175.00 for a hamburger! It consists of: Kobe beef, black truffles, foie gras, and Gruyere cheese, topped with gold flakes and served with fries. Do they eat the gold flakes and then poop them out? Call me cheap, but there is not a burger in the world that is worth $175.00 I think they have lost their minds.

Bless Their Hearts

 

2. A man tries the “doctor fish” treatment at a beauty trade fair in Tokyo, May 20, putting his face in an aquarium so that Garra rufa fish can nibble away his dead skin. I am thinking there must be a better way to get a facial.

Bless His Heart!

 

 

3. Newspaper photographer Ryan McGeeney was speared through the leg with a javelin May 19 at Utah’s high school track championships. But the photographer managed to get this photo of his own leg while he was getting help. Ya think he might want to move a bit further from the action next time? Bless His Heart!

 

4. Protesters strip to their bras as they rally for better pension benefits in Melbourne, Australia, May 16. A 72-year-old woman encouraged her fellow demonstrators to go shirtless. Come on ladies, admit the truth… Ya’ll just wanted to get your freak on didn’t you?  Bless Their Hearts.

 

5. Apparently, bingo’s out of vogue at this Australian seniors’ home. Residents Delores Kirby and Patricia Grantham challenge each other to a fencing match.  

Bless Their Hearts.

(they are so precious that I just have to add a couple more pics)

 

6. Chinese paramilitary police are trying out their newest War Secrets… Big Wheel Street Fighters.  I guess the economy is hitting a slump in China as well.

Bless Their Hearts.  (OK, those are actually part of the closing ceremony of the Beijing Olympic Games.)

 

7. A Seattle pigeon flutters on despite the metal dart piercing its head

Bless It’s Heart!

8. BERLIN — A herd of wild boars has thwarted a suspected car thief’s getaway in northern Germany.

Police in Schwerin say the 18-year-old abandoned a stolen SUV he was driving today after failing to shake off a chasing patrol car by driving into a field.

Police nabbed his passenger immediately. But they say the driver initially got away by running into nearby woods.

Officers then heard the fugitive shouting for help — he had run into a herd of angry wild boars that were keen to protect their young.

Police freed the man from the boars and took him into custody. Bless His Heart!

(I found pics of the big mean boars… but, this little one was so cute that I had to post him)

9. A Mexican donkey has been freed from jail after doing time for acting like a jackass.

“Blacky” was jailed for biting and kicking two men near a ranch outside Tuxtla Gutierrez, the capital of Chiapas State. Bless Blacky’s Heart!

10. And then there is this crazy woman in Houston (aka Mrs. J) I know darn well that I cannot eat shrimp or lobster without having a nice little allergic reaction to all shellfish. Yet last night, anything that might have resembled common sense flew right out the window when I proceeded to eat a half a pound of crab meat. Today my eyes and lips are all puffy; my throat is doing it’s best to keep from closing up; and I frickin itch.

Bless My Heart!  

 

I found the following poem over here at Life in Bodunk   

by Burly Buford.

 

Here in the South you can use your mouth to say most anything.

You can debase, demean, disgrace, and any insult sling,

As long as you are always true to this important part.

Somewhere in there, you must declare the three words: “Bless his heart!”

 

He is so fat; bless his heart, that I have no doubt,

If the fool dove in a pool, the concrete would splash out.

She is no cook, bless her heart. Just what do I mean?

She is too lame to set aflame a bowl of gasoline.

 

Here in the South you can use your mouth to roast someone alive,

Rip out their spleen, and their butt ream, and gouge out both their eyes.

You must be pure, polite, for sure, by saying: “Bless her heart!”

You can be snide, peel off the hide, if you say, “Bless his heart!”

 

She could be cruel, an uncool fool, was prone to moan and pout.

Bless her heart, her “bless her heart’s” could tear your heart right out.

He thought it slick, a crafty trick, to “bless” the blessed blest.

Bless his heart, his “bless his heart’s” could be the breath of death.

 

But, bless their hearts, they’re gone now, and now, God, bless their hearts.

She was a jerk. He was a twerp. They’re dead now, bless their hearts!

Advertisements

Tags:

13 Responses to “Bless My Heart”

  1. Red Says:

    Ohhh! Those fencer ladies are sooo sweet!

    Don’t ya just love them?!?!?!

  2. becky Says:

    The topless Australian lady obviously bought a new fancy bra for the protest.

    The gay elementary school teacher on South Park invented something similar to the Big Wheel Streetfighters in the episode where he wants to get around the airlines charging so much money.

    Bless your heart.
    You know she was not going to protest in her bra that is held together with a safety pin. 😉 I missed the South Park with the big wheels. Shucks, I thought I had seen them all.

  3. trishatruly Says:

    I so want one of those Chinese bikes!! Aaiiiieee!

    If D. or I say something disparaging about someone we’ll then say “Not that there’s anything wrong with that, bless their heart.” (Seinfeld AND Southern all rolled into one sickly-sweet mouthful!) 🙂

    I want to try riding one of those bikes. They look like a blast! I love you and D’s twist on the blessin… 😀 I might start using it myself.

  4. joanharvest Says:

    When they finally put me in the nursing home I want to go to that one. I am already good at caning so I feel confident I will be good at fencing. That Tokyo fish thing is too crazy. I don’t even use cream on my face, I sure ain’t gonna use fish!!!!

    Hopefully when they put you in a nursing home, they will put me in the same one and we can fence off anyone trying to give us ‘fish’ facials.

  5. Just a Mom Says:

    Hopefully the half-pound of crab meat was at least worth it!
    The Javelin photo was just wrong!
    The crab was so yummy, but not worth the mess it caused. The javelin photo should be sent to all kids who want body piercing.

  6. kaylee2 Says:

    YEAH IS THAT ALL WORTJ IT?

    Nopers… not even slightly worth it.

  7. Sarah Says:

    The fish thing is really freaking me out. I don’t know why, I don’t fear the fish, but eeew.

    My Grandma was born and bred in Tennesse and she has always said Bless his/her heart. Thank God for a southern Grandma because I now say it all the time myself.

    Feel better soon!

    I cannot stand facials. Don’t want anyone or anything touching my face. I agree… eeww.

    I think Bless his heart is the best expression ever. It allows you to call a dumb ass a dumb ass without being judged for judging.

  8. thegirlfromtheghetto Says:

    OMG, that picture of that man getting his face eaten by little fish was disgusting … and awesome. I used to work at this excellent bar called Duggans … and if you ordered two Big Chief Burgers and a bottle of Dom for $100 you’d get your name on a plaque on the wall … you’d be amazed at how many people did this. BTW, Big Chiefs are like the best burgers ever, with curry mustard on them ….

    Dom and burgers… I wouldn’t normally pair them. I might pay 100 dollars for two burgers if they came with a side of Dom. *shaking my head* Um probably not… How much are the burgers without the Dom?

  9. Murder of Ravens Says:

    At first I thought you had written “$17.50” for the burger, and I was already outraged at that! (I’m a cheapskate). Then I saw the real number and almost had a coronary (too many cheeseburgers for smith).

    Great post!

    -smith

    Absolutely no coronaries on my watch! (But if you are going to clog an artery, the cheeseburger is a great way to do it.)

  10. betme Says:

    The itchies, watery eyes, congested lungs, swollen face and throat are all better… Do to all the “bless my hearts,” I am sure. 😉

  11. Taoist Biker Says:

    Yep. That “bless your heart” business is true life, sho’nuff.

  12. Peter Parkour Says:

    Might I suggest imitation crab in the future. I’ve actually ran into a couple that aren’t half bad. Mmmm, butter. 😉

    That pigeon was a real pinhead. HA! I want one of those bikes too. That looks like fun.

    That burger??? Got get a double cheeseburger from McDonald’s and buy a nice pair of gold earrings with the money you save. No since in flushing good gold down the toilet.

    I once saw an older gal at the bank in her bra, no shirt (really). I’m guessing she wandered off from her fencing class. HA! 😉

    I loved this post. If it were a meme I’d do it. 😉 Glad to hear you’re feeling better.

  13. Notably Says:

    Somehow i missed the point. Probably lost in translation 🙂 Anyway … nice blog to visit.

    cheers, Notably!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: