Mental Constipation

I am self- diagnosed and it is official. (in my mind) I am suffering from an extreme case of Mental Constipation.

My Dementia is in actuality nothing more than a psychogenic state of being, brought about by an acute obstruction, leaving me with a limited intellectual ability of excretion.

In “Layman’s” terms; I am full of shit and can’t figure out how to put it in words, letting it ooze out of my head, freeing up space for more crap.

I will need to perform further analysis to determine the cause of the blockage. Preliminary investigations have allowed me to narrow down the culprit to two prime candidates.

1.) My new diet ~ I have cut the term “dessert” from my nutritional regime vocabulary. I will get back to you upon further study, but I believe science will find that the lack of sugar, chocolate, and butter (preferably mixed together) is a direct cause of mental break down in our society. The sooner the FDA gets to the bottom of this issue, the sooner I can eat the good stuff guilt free.

Fat Food = Happy Dance

Back off Mr. J

I did not say I would be content sitting around the house in my moo-moo, with you rubbing my feet and feeding me truffles. I mean seriously, who would find contentment in such a frivolous lifestyle?

2.) Cutting Back on Internet Time ~ I have a new found respect for the pain of fighting an addiction. I will no longer scrunch up my face at the Heroin Addict, who is trying to clean up. Oh, sure you can say PC addiction and Heroin addiction are not even in the same ball park.

But, have you tried to go a week without turning on your life support system? Don’t give me the “I need it for work” or “I am waiting on an important Email from my child” line.

Get up, turn the Computer off, and Leave it off for one week. (I dare you!!!)

You may be strong for a while but there will be moments of weakness. You have just finished dinner, the kids are tucked into bed, there is nothing on TV worth watching…

and the PC is calling out to you, sending subliminal messages.

Your fingers begin twitching. Your mind begins formulating reasons you need to look something up. You walk by the desk, pacing nervously back and forth.

But, you are strong. It has only been 8 hours, and you  only have 160 more hours to go!

If this is not one of the major factors in my emotional conflict situation, then perhaps I am just NUTS.

And I am not ready to give in to that prognosis. (yet)


13 Responses to “Mental Constipation”

  1. trishatruly Says:

    “My Dementia is in actuality nothing more than a psychogenic state of being, brought about by an acute obstruction, leaving me with a limited intellectual ability of excretion.”

    In “Layman’s” terms; I am full of shit and can’t figure out how to put it in words, letting it ooze out of my head, freeing up space for more crap.

    These words made me almost want to be sober enough to understand them. Hellllooooo… read “almost” ! God, I love reading your stuff! You inspire me.

    Until D. set me up with my own computer at his place I would start twitching after 24 hours of not reading “my” blogs. I now can indulge my habit because he had compassion! It was that or he had to watch me pace and fidget like any addict until I got on-line to check you all out!

  2. Sarah Says:

    I could easily give up my computers because I can read my email on my cell phone. God forbid if that were to get taken away from me.

  3. Luke Says:

    I was going to give up computers this week, but now I have to come back to this blog and read comments. Thanks for that.

  4. betme Says:

    Trisha ~ No need to go to extremes. I am sure that I make more sense when slightly tipsy. Therefore it is plausible that I make more sense to others when they read my posts while in the same condition.

    Or for those who don’t enjoy the spirits, try sleep deprivation. It seems to have the same effect, making my words SEEM insanely hilarious and slightly less bitchy.

    D is a sweetie … or an enabler, helping to keep you tweaked on PC dust. Tell him how thankful that we are. Cuz we was missing you something fierce.

    Sarah ~ You know that would be cheating. A cell phone is just another form of the same drug. 😉 I suggest that everyone stay away from Sarah’s cell phone. She has admitted to a slight issue of the urge to seek ‘revenge behind the wheel.

    Luke ~ Embrace your inner PC junkie-itous. (Having drug dealers in my hood, I have learned a new favorite phrase: The first one is free. ) Be careful. 😀

  5. Moonbeam McQueen Says:

    You are so hilarious. Maybe if you smear a couple of Ex-Lax on your forehead, it would take care of some of the constipation. But please, don’t stop blogging– I’ll miss you too much!

  6. Taoist Biker Says:

    I can lay off for a week, provided I’ve got enough other stuff to do. I do it now and then when I go on vacations, visit the parents or the in-laws, etc. It’s when I get bored that I miss it.

    Of course, the last few times I left for several days, I set up blog posts to go live while I was gone. I’d say that’s a symptom of a problem.

  7. Peter Parkour Says:

    The computer’s not a problem unless it interferes with other parts of your life. If it’s just a hobby/time killer, perfectly normal/healthy. No worse than watching TV, crocheting, painting, working on puzzles, etc. Blog on sister. 😉

  8. thegirlfromtheghetto Says:

    Cutting back on internet time? girl, are you crazy?

  9. kaylee2 Says:

    laughing my ass off ! See you after i feel better from my back surgery io get monday 🙂

  10. Red Says:

    I would rather give up chocolate and butter than my computer and Internet. That is how addicted I am. I went nearly 10 days without it when I went to SC and had withdrawls 🙂

  11. Peter Parkour Says:

    😐 BetMe?

  12. betme Says:

    Waving atcha. I am here.. but I have two more reports to kick out. Then I can catch up on my blog reading. 😉

  13. betme Says:

    Sorry… just getting around to responding to comments.

    Moonbeam ~ You are the best. I will keep a box of Ex-Lax handy for the next time I am suffering.

    Taoist B ~ You are a strong man, I tell ya. Even when I am submerged in other work my mind wonders to the internet.

    Spidey ~ Thanks for the go-ahead. (you are such an enabler) 😉

    Kaylee ~ How ya doing chickie? I hope you are mending nicely.

    Red ~ I am with you on that. As much as I LOVE chocolate, I would give it up to keep the puter.

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