ARGH….

Saturday we had to have a plumber come over and unstop the kitchen drain. There are numerous reasons why this makes me uncomfortable.

1.) I don’t like strangers in my home. Not ever. I barely like friends and family in my home. It is my space, where I can walk around naked if I so choose. I don’t do it often, but the option is there. I am anti-social to the max. I don’t like small-talk chit-chat and can only smile politely at people for so long. There is no reason to take the chance of my face freezing like that.  

2.) My dear friend Mario  has retired and is not physically able to make house calls. Not that I would ever bother him with my chores. He has enough on his plate as it is.

3.) It burns me up that I cannot reach the point of the clog with my basic tools. I even disassembled all the pipes under the sink, up to the point where the plumbing leaves the house. Grrrrrrrrrr…

4.) I hate being dependent on others.

Because of all the reasons listed above, I refused to call a plumber for three weeks. Three weeks of heating water on the stove and washing my dishes in dishpans on the counter, and tossing the water down the toilet when I was done. Mr. J asked me on several occasions to call a plumber. He felt bad that I had reverted to hauling water. I would shrug and say, “Our ancestors had it much worse.”

Crazy, I know. But, that is how much I hate strangers in my home.

Finally I relented… Only because Mr. J was going to be home as well.

I am happy that the drain is fixed and that I can once again run water in the kitchen. BUT, it was a painful experience. This guy will not be invited back. He proceeded to walk thru the downstairs area and verbally critique our entire home.  (his actual comments in bold)

“… Your TV is CRAP.”  Yes, that is what he said. “It is too big for the room and the quality sucks.” Excuse me? WTF? We know our TV is outdated. It was ok when we bought it 10 years ago. Way back in time before LCD and Plasma. I don’t give a damn what you think about it. I scrimped and saved our pennies and surprised Mr. J with a 64″ TV when we didn’t have the money for such a luxury. Now get your opinionated ass back into the kitchen and work on the drain…

“You need to stain your cupboards mahogany.”    … No, I don’t. Mahogany is too dark for my small kitchen. They are stained a beautiful shade of teak to match the flooring. “Teak is too light. It shows the wood lines.” Those are called grains, and I love seeing the grain of the wood. Dammit, if I wanted the wood grain to be hidden I would have painted the cupboards.

“You need a new microwave. One that mounts above your stove.” No, I don’t. I like my microwave that sits on the beautiful teak microwave cart. I like my kitchen. I like my house. What I don’t like is your opinionated ass walking around my home telling me what I need to change. Even my own mother does not do that to me.

He would not shut up the entire time he was there. I think he could have been finished in 30 minutes had he shut his mouth and worked. I am glad that I was being charged by the job and not by the hour. He  ruined almost 3 hours of my day.

On the way out he had to get in a few more digs… “Why do you bother with burglar bars? You don’t have anything that a real burglar would want to steal.” I explained that I was more worried about the crack-heads in the area than experience burglars.

“I doubt the installers put the burglar bars up correctly anyway. They need to install steel bars into your 2X4’s.” Dude, they are installed correctly. They will slow a person down enough for either my husband or myself to empty a clip on them.

“Bah, women do not shoot guns. They will end up shooting themselves first.” At this point it took every thing I had in my reserve tank to stop from proving him wrong. 

Mr. J had been watching a basketball game thru all of this. I heard him chuckle under his breath from time to time. But, he left me alone to deal with our charming plumber. However, he knew I was getting riled and came to my rescue.

The plumber tried to get in one more dig… “Who drives the Porsche?” Mr. J was so sweet in explaining that it was my car. The twit laughed and said, “You let her drive this?” Mr. J had to hold me back….

ARGHHHHHHH….. I hate people in my home! I swear, if the toilet ever plugs up we will be pooping outside.

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10 Responses to “ARGH….”

  1. Sarah Says:

    Holy shit! I feel outraged right there with you! First off the thing about the gun would be enough to have me running to my gun cabinet and proving to him that I would not shoot myself. Then if the bullets didn’t kill him I would make sure to load him into my car and proving that I, I mean you, are a damned better driver than he could ever dream of being! Sometimes strangers really piss me off!

  2. kaylee2 Says:

    I agree with you I hate strangers in my house 🙂

  3. CuriousC Says:

    wow. That guy was totally off base. I can see why you would be more than mad. Gosh, I’m getting madder just imagining it!! ugh!

  4. trishatruly Says:

    Now see? If you’d a played this one right you would luv having people over. First comment about the TV shoulda been your cue. “Your TV is crap!” would earn him a reply of “and YOU know crap in your line of work!”
    Next one “You need to stain your cupboards mahogany.” Your line: “Oh, is that the color of CRAP?”
    Well, you get the idea. Heck, when someone is that ignorant, all rules of etiquette and civilized conversation are OFF! You were paying him to be there!
    Oh, and I woulda helped you hide the body…..LOL
    Seriously, I’m with you. I HATE people in my space….mostly.

  5. Moonbeam McQueen Says:

    OH MY GOD– you should have asked this clown where he went to charm school! What a creep!

    Glad you got your drain unclogged though. If only you could have told him where to put his plunger.

  6. Peter Parkour Says:

    “If you gonna plumb in Texas, you gotta have a jackass in the van.” HA! You inspired me to write a song. You also inspired me to drive to Texas, hunt down that plumber, and…I think I better just stick with the song. 😉

  7. Allison Says:

    Thanks to Peter Parkour, I’m now going to have that Alabama tune with revised lyrics going through my head all day.

    I don’t know Mario, but I guess from what you’ve said of him that he wouldn’t say stuff like that. I hope he’s doing okay.

  8. betme Says:

    Sarah ~ That is so funny. The first thing that went thru my mind was the words from my handgun instructor, “You cannot shoot people just because they make you mad.” DAMN!

    Kaylee ~ Girl, I don’t know how you deal with people popping in and out of your room. You must be the hostess extraordinaire!

    CC ~ I was peeved at the time… but, now I have moved on to better things such as being able to wash my dishes in the sink! Wahoo!

    Trisha ~ I knew I should have consoled with you prior to the arrival of the plumber.

    I will keep your offer to help tucked away for the right moment. We could have a hellafide garden with all the fertilizer we would be putting in the ground. 😉

    Moonbeam ~ hahahahahahaha… He did walk kind of funny, now that you mention it. Someone must have beat me to the plunger.

    Peter ~ You are a very talented song writer. 😀 I will check the laws here and find out when hunting season begins for plumbers. Lucky might know.

    Allison ~ Mario is a gentleman thru and thru. He always heaps on the praise and even flirts a little. (which is so cute because he is in his mid 70’s) Sadly though, his health is deteriorating. 😦

  9. msmollie Says:

    Holy shit! Where the hell do you live? I’m totally taken back and speechless.

  10. K. Trainor Says:

    What a complete ASS! You sure you couldn’t shoot him? Just a little? Maybe take off the pinkie toenail or something? Gosh, I feel for ya. I’m a somewhat antisocial homebody as well. Glad you got your drain fixed and you’ll never have to deal with that boob again!

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