I Love him… No Foolin

Ok, I had some fun yesterday with my implication of impropriety.

Last night I recited the  poem  for my hubby…

He became sullen. Turning his head in a deliberately slow manner, he asked me point blank: “Would you cheat on me?”

I should have known that my exquisite word play would mess with his head. Too much double meaning, too many ‘what ifs’ left hanging in the air. It was intentional. I had hoped to make one think, to question…

I stifled the chuckle that tried to escape, stared boldly into his eyes, and responded with absolute resolve, “Never.”

Not content he pursued, “You are supposed to say that.”

“Honey, honey, honey… Why would I ever settle for a hotdog when I have Filet Minot at home?”

 Still not convince he pulled me closer and asked, “What if a younger cut of beef catches your eye?” (We tend to use food metaphors quite often.)  

“Oh, my love… You know I prefer the taste and texture of a quality cut of aged beef.”

He smiled contently and told me that he was starving… No, not sexually. *drats*

 

 All the beef talk had made him hungry. I need to work on some non food descriptions of devotion.  

This all led to our question of the day: (he asked me)

“What if I was being held prisoner and my captor was going to kill me unless you had sex with him, would you have sex with the gunman to save my life?”

This is a trick question; a very bad, sick, twisted trick question.

So, I answered with a bold, sick, twisted answer: “No, I still would not have sex with another man, not even to save your life. For, you would be alive to contemplate the fact that I had sex with someone other than yourself. You would forever hound me with bizarre questions and endless doubts. No, it would be best for both of us if I let you die.”

Yes, he almost choked on his tea.

He knows without a doubt that I will step in front of a speeding soccer mom, take on a village of rabid pygmies, sale body parts on eBay, or even attempt to rip the genitals from an attacking rhino before I would allow anyone to intentionally harm those I love.


To hear that I would let him die, left him all choked up. Kind of romantic isn’t it? -P

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11 Responses to “I Love him… No Foolin”

  1. SK Says:

    Oooooh you are good! I would’ve said “Oh I don’t know….it all depends on what he looks and smells like.” Then he would’ve known I was being honest 🙂

  2. trishatruly Says:

    Man, your hubster has a handful with you! ROFLMFAO!!!!
    He will think twice before asking you a rhetorical question again, won’t he?
    Men and poetry… a deadly combination.

  3. Red Says:

    He’s sweet.
    And I liked your answer .. I woulda said something very similar to that.

  4. joanharvest Says:

    Mr. J sounds like a cool guy. You are very fortunate to have him. At least my wasband wouldn’t throw me in front of a bus to save himself. I don’t think he would.

  5. moonbeammcqueen Says:

    What a great conversation! My tactic is always to return the question– that way I don’t have to lie to save an ego. What would Mr. J do in a similar situation? Not with a guy, I mean, what if an evil supermodel was threatening your life unless he had sex with her?

  6. betme Says:

    SK ~ I missed you woman! Where have you been hiding out? As for the how he smells??? Do we want him to smell like money or chocolate cheese cake? (don’t ask)

    Trisha ~ I never know if his questions are a plea for an ego boost or if he is looking for evidence to use against me when they find him tied to the bed. 😉 (again… don’t ask)

    Red ~ He really is sweet, in a macho tough guy, kinda way.

    Joan ~ You crack me up. 😀 I’m glad your wasband won’t sacrifice you under the wheels of the bus. (at least we hope not)

    MB ~ (I finally shortened it) I will keep your tactic in mind, or at least remember to re-read the foot notes when we are in deep question sessions.

    and I am glad that you clarified the situational retort. He would not be to keen on sleeping with a dude to save my life.

  7. Murder of Ravens Says:

    Men tend to be rather paranoid when it comes to this sort of thing, which is ironic, since men are more likely to actually cheat than woman. But then, maybe that’s why they’re so paranoid.

    p.s. hope your son is doing well

    -smith

  8. betme Says:

    Murder of Ravens ~ I have complete adoration for my Mr J. So when he asks, it baffles me. I appreciate seeing it from your perspective.

    My son is doing well. Thank you for the good wishes. Hugs to you and your son.

    MB ~ Last night I asked Mr J the question you suggested.

    “What if an evil supermodel was threatening my life unless he had sex with her?”

    He didn’t even hesitate when he replied. “No, I would not have sex with the evil supermodel. I would however, allow the model to have sex with you to save your life and I would watch. win-win.”

    I laughed. Men… gotta love ’em. 😀

  9. moonbeammcqueen Says:

    LOL! Both of you are masters at answering the “what if?” questions!

  10. Allison Says:

    Taking on rabid pygmies. Now that’s love!

  11. betme Says:

    Allison ~ Isn’t it though? 😀

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