I Surrender

I will not be blogging any more until the bitch ummm… unwanted shit-head  psychotic Menstrual Shaman, who  is practicing a ritual to excavate my cervix via tool of choice, is subdued.
 I will be back to post in the next day or two… If I can find enough chocolate to drown the bitch.
Until then… please check out any of the excellent sites listed in the blogrolls.

Hugs from the loony-toony corner of the globe…

 (From the looks of the picture, the bitch has cracked my lining!)

I also man the phones here a few days a week and have to share a reoccurring nightmare. I am plagued by repeat offenders trying to get me to change my electrical provider. It has been a thorn in my side for the last year. 

The calls do not end. ~ It started with:

Me: This is Mrs. J, May I help you?

The Guy on the other end: I need to talk with the person who handles your electrical account.

Me: I am sorry, but I am not interested. *click* (yes, that would be me hanging up on him. I get the same call at least three times a day and do not feel I need to explain to each caller that we are not going to change our electrical provider.)

…..

He is not finished and decides to call me back

Me: Mrs. J, How may I help you?

The Guy on the other end: I think we were disconnected. I need to……

Me: (yes, I interrupted him. My time is valuable. I need time to blog) No we were not disconnected. I hung up on you. I am not interested.

The Guy on the other end: Can I at least finish before you hang up?

Me: I will make you a deal. If you quit calling me, I will quit hanging up on you! *click*

And over the past couple months has evolved into…

Me: Good morning, how may I help you? (or some other stupid shit way of answering the phone while I am plagued with cramps from hell.)

Retarded Ass chick Girl on the other end: Ma’am there seems to be a problem. Our Annoying Ass customer service reps keep getting cut off in the middle of changing your service.

Me: The only problem that we seem to be having is, your company keeps harassing me to change providers and I continue to hang up the phone. Do you think there might be a better way for us ALL to handle the problem? Perhaps something along the lines of your company removing us from your data base? *click*

Piece of shit annoying ass repeat offender: Ma’am I need you to stop hanging up the phone. We need to resolve this issue.

At this point I am torn. Hanging up on them gives me brief moments of joy. Yet, I am feeling the urge to toy with her for a few minutes.

Me: Why sure honey. (Yes, I really did call her honey.) My coworkers know my signals. If I become sappy sweet, run for cover. Hell is breaking loose and I will take no prisoners.

Clueless airbag: Let em explain to you why it would benefit your company to switch to Whateverthefuk Electric, Incorporated.

Me: (not as patient as I had thought) Sugar, you sound like a nice person. I really hate that we have gotten off on such a bad foot. Here is what I will do for you: From now on, when your sales associates call me, interrupting my thought process, while I am working on million dollar projects,    … (breath of air… must keep it together) I will stop everything. Oh Hell, I will ask everyone in the building to stop what they are doing and we will collectively listen  long enough to see who will win the coin toss and will have the satisfaction of hanging up on you. *click*

Watch for me on the National news. I fear I might make the headlines this week.

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14 Responses to “I Surrender”

  1. Peter Parkour Says:

    I think you handled that quite nicely, again and again. Hope you’re feeling better soon. 😉

    I fear that I will have ample opportunities to further hone my phone skills.

  2. Lucky Says:

    Oh man…sorry ’bout the cramps. 😦 I have no helpful words. They tear me up to and I never know what the eff to do. Good luck, Lady!

    Holy shit, that is the funniest thing ever. Hanging up on those people gives me great satisfaction. Not quite as much as it does you… but I am taking notes.

    Gotta love Mother Nature…

    I have no doubts that you too can handle the phone dredges.

  3. trishatruly Says:

    I salute you and your incredible phone techniques!! You make me laugh imagining the look on that poor girl’s face!
    Wonder what she said about you after the “click” on her end…….LOL
    8)

    No Doubt! I would love to hear them cursing me on the other end.

  4. kaylee Says:

    sorry bout the cramps 😦

    Aw Thanks… Lucky for me, it is only a 5 day a month curse.

    Congrats on moving to your new room! I hope it is a happier place.

  5. Sarah Says:

    I love that you keep hanging up on them. Absolutely classic. I love it, and I hope you’re feeling better soon.

    I need to work on some fresh material for them to keep them on their toes.

  6. Couchptato10 Says:

    Haha I would have done the same thing, idiots…

    Loco

    Tele-sales must be one of the worst jobs. It has to beat on a persons self esteem. But, that does not guilt me into listening to another sales pitch.

  7. boundandgags Says:

    Brilliant! We get a ton of sales calls. So many, in fact, I’ve become quite skilled at hanging up during that two second space between answering and the call being given to a rep.

    It’s a long standing policy of mine not to answer the phone at home. I answer the phone all day, if you want to talk to me at home, leave a message and I’ll get back to you.

    But, one day, I answered out of habit. The guy begins his spiel. I tell him I’m not interested and begin to hang up. He says,

    “Can I at least complete my offer?”

    He was polite so I said he could. While he’s talking I turned the mouthpiece up and continued a conversation with a friend who was visiting. After some amount of time I heard,

    “How does that sound?”

    It takes me a second to focus on him. When I do I say,

    “Was that your pitch?”

    “Yes.”

    I hang up. My friend looks at me not quite understanding.

    “I agreed he could do his pitch. I never said anything about sticking around afterwards.”

    Just as he begins to laugh the phone rings. I know it’s the guy.

    “You asshole!” He says.

    I laugh and place the phone gently back into it’s holder.

    And flipped the answering machine on.

    I am going to check in at your blog to keep my responses fresh. Half of the fun is to annoy them without calling them names. Perhaps I will entertain my next caller with a 30 minute discussion of my cat puking up a hair ball.

  8. romi41 Says:

    Wow….I loved your little rant and that menstrual-bitch can seriously mess up my hoohaa at times….I usually try to drown her in chocolate as well…I hope she’s dead now and that you’ll come back!

    *hugs* 🙂

    I fear she is not dead, but merely pacified for another month. HUGS back atcha

  9. Allison Says:

    Please quit hanging up on them, as I quite enjoy reading your accounts of witty banter.

    Tylenol, chocolate and some form of tv devoid of all educational value are a must. Hopefully the tampon lady didn’t raid your supply.

    hahahaha… No, she has not returned.

  10. betme Says:

    Thanks for all the well wishes and laughs. 😀

  11. Red Says:

    You big ol’ meanie! 😉
    That’s why I love coming here.

  12. moonbeammcqueen Says:

    I think my gynecologist uses that same power tool– or is that my dentist?
    Anyway, I feel your pain. I’m experiencing similar fun right now.

    You have got to be a telemarketer’s worst nightmare. They probably quit in droves because of you. THANK YOU!

  13. betme Says:

    Red ~ It is a special talent that I am honing with age. 😀

    Moonbeam ~ Is your dentist cross trained in gynecology? That would save you time. He/she could work from one end to the other since they use the same tools and all.

    Hugs and happy thought while you are dealing with your intrusive guest.

    Some days I worry that I may have traumatized some poor telemarketer, smashing their self esteem. Hopefully, I have only encouraged them to seek a better way of keeping us all entertained.

  14. K. Trainor Says:

    Bahahahahahaha! (Deer-in-the-headlights-look) At the way you handle telemarketers, not at your misery. Promise. 8|

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