Oh Blessed Sleep

I need perhaps 12 18 24 consecutive hours of sleep… To refuel. I am running on fumes. I tend to joke that sleep is for the weak.. and right now I am pretty yawn,  excuse me… weak.

My mornings begin at 03:30. Although this morning I fudged and hit the snooze button. This insanity began with my desire to impress my new hubby, getting up before him and cooking breakfast. Well, here it is ten beautiful years later and I don’t have the heart to stop taking care of him now just because I am tired.

This was such an easy task when he went in to the office at 08:00. Now that he is leaving for work at 04:30 it is becoming a labor of love.

I realized this morning that I am sliding, when sitting on the potty at 03:45, I freaked out momentarily because the room was suddenly dark. Then it dawned on me that I had closed my eyes. Yes, that sounds retarded… but, a brain running on very little sleep plays wicked games.

I wrote the following a while back when I was in a similar state:

“Draining a 100 Gallon Fish Tank in Less than 5 Minutes”


“101 Reasons for Having the Floors Cleaned”

Have you ever reached the sleep deprivation point, where you have no idea if you are coming or going?

I walked into the kitchen to grab an apple, but by the time I reached the kitchen I stared blankly at the oven. Am I supposed to start dinner? Yes, that must be why I am in the kitchen.

I walked to the fridge, opened the door and stared blankly at the milk. I wonder for a moment about the expiration date. Gosh, I need to clean the fridge. Yes, that must be why I am in the kitchen.

I begin pulling out the cold cuts. Turkey and Swiss on rye sounds great! Darn, we are out of spicy brown mustard. I need to run to the store and get a bottle. I need to make a grocery list. Yes, that must be why I am in the kitchen.

Dang, those apples look good. I think I will have one. Wait, didn’t I just have an apple?

Oh yes, put apple sauce on the list. I want to make apple sauce pancakes this weekend. Speaking of pancakes, did I reserve the Rockport Cabin? (don’t ask how I can get Rockport from pancakes … something to do with log cabin syrup maybe?)

OK…. This is all hurting my head.

I need to forget about all these stressful issues and just clean the fish tank. (see, I was going some where with this)

I got out the buckets, the vacuum, the clean filters…

Hmmmm… Have I changed out the filters on the A/C lately?

Sorry fish. I will be right back.

On the way back I grabbed an apple because they look so good. I sat down in front of the aquarium and watched the fish while I FINALLY ate the apple.

Recharged with food, I began the task at hand (just not sure what it is) :-/

Oh yes… Buckets and filters are out for a reason. DOH

I vacuumed the rocks and added fresh water. I am ASSUMING I added chemicals to the water as no fish have killed over yet.

Then I began the dubious task of changing out the filters. It is not such a hard task. I have a sweet Ocean Clear canister pump. They claim it pumps 800 to 1600 GPM (seems high… but my floors tend to agree with the claim)

All I need to do is shut off the valves on the hoses. It is easy, slide the levers into the vertical position. One does not need special training nor a degree to run it.

I was awake enough to do this. I lifted the lid to the canister, changed the filters, and cleaned it out.

This is where my brain should have been in tune with what my hands were about to do. This is the point that I would have said, “Don’t even think of doing it!”

Unfortunately, my brain was not in gear and my hands took over….

I looked at the hose, (the same hose that I had closed) and decided it needed cleaned as well. The pump was off. What could go wrong?

Simple law of irrigation… a 3/4 inch hose, which is full of water, One end in the tank – one end hooked to the pump. Even with the pump turned off, removing the end of the hose which is attached to the canister is just dumb.

As water was shooting out all over me and the floor, I sat back and began laughing hysterically. Seriously, who would do something so dumb.

Slowly my brain began to engage and I pushed my palm into the end of the hose. I am sure this only lasted a few seconds… But, I had quite a bit of water on the floor.

Holding the hose firmly, I had to push it back into the fitting. Picture in your mind, attaching a water sprinkler to the hose with the hose running.

At this point, I was wondering… “Did I add apples to the grocery list?”

5 Responses to “Oh Blessed Sleep”

  1. Sarah Says:

    And I thought that my thought processes were chaotic! Hilarious.

  2. DNR Says:

    WOW… I have been up 48 hours straight, drank half a bottle of Jack in 6 hours (not the same night) but have never been that chaotic. If you’re even close to that now, you need sleep lady. NOW go… sleep.

  3. Glassowater Says:

    I had an equally boneheaded experience this weekend. The on/off switch on my tv in my bedroom kept getting stuck where the tv would turn on and turn off rapidly until you took something to pry the button up manually. I got home at 4am on sunday morning, overtired, ready for bed. No sooner did I hit the sheets than the tv started flicking on and off…I don’t know what I was thinking, but I went to my utility closet, and picked up a hammer. I then proceeded to smash the on/off button with the hammer until it finally went off….for good. So, on superbowl sunday, i had to go shopping for a new tv….whoops

  4. Red Says:

    Sleep? I havent slept in 9 years . .since the child was born.

  5. betme Says:

    Sarah ~ I read your blog and you just might be able to keep up with me! hahaha…

    DNR ~ HA! You just need to practice to reach my level. I am close to that state now. I fell asleep in my chair (at home for an hour yesterday) and recharged somewhat. Got up and packed my lunch for today. I just peeked in the bag to see what was in there!!!!!!!

    Carrot sticks and yogurt (I must be on a health kick in my delusional state), and a Twix bar (OK, there goes the healthy theory) … and that was it. No sandwich, no juice, no chips, no fruit…. Gueeeeze…

    Glassofwater ~ That is a riot! 😀 Sorry, I shouldn’t be laughing at others miseries… (remind me to keep the hammer out of your reach)

    By next week I should have my bathroom remodeling finished. It is a project that should have taken me a week… 5 weeks later and I am still working on it. All because I am doing everything ass-backward due to lack of sleep.

    Red ~ It gets better. At least that is the lie that they told me.

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