BetMe —
[noun]:A person who falls into an outhouse and dies

‘How will you be defined in the dictionary?’ at QuizGalaxy.com

Holy Shit!

Death in the pooper! That is definitely not on my top ten list of ways I want to die. 

This is devastating…

So, I am sitting here thinking about the time I washed my feet in the toilet. (The thought of dying in shit brought this back to mind.) Well, that and the dread of going back to the Gyno for my yearly pap.

I detest shoes. They were invented by wusses who could not stand the feel of earth between their toes. If I am going to be sitting at this desk for 8-9 hours a day, I am going to be comfortable and my little piggies love the feel of the cold tile.

Needless to say, the bottoms of my feet are a beautiful shade of charcoal by 5pm. No biggie, it all washes off. 

Back to my Gyno:

Last year I slipped out of the office about 2:00 for the dreaded checkup. I had just enough time to go pee before being felt up by the Doctor. It was while sitting on the throne that I realized my feet were very black. There is absolutely no way I am going to lay on the table with my dirty feet in the stirrups. That would leave me entirely too vulnerable.

I did the only thing a sensible woman could do. I flushed a couple times and them dipped my piggies in the water. (it is a surprisingly warm temperature) I mean it actually felt good.

So sue me. I stood there in the bowl, both feet at the same time.  I had to stay there a tad bit longer than I had planned while I waited for a woman in the next stall to take care of her business and leave.

I then made my way to the paper towels, leaving a trail of little brown mud puddles on the floor. Don’t worry, I cleaned up the evidence.  

All of this leaves me wondering if the Gyno has other women doing strange things?

It is not a date and I am not in any way turned on by my Doctor. Yet, I always make sure my legs are shaved and my toenails are trimmed. Seriously, is he going to care? It is just another cervix to him. So, why am I so consumed with this appearance thing?

I have been hemming and hawing … what I really want to know is; Do you keep “the Adventure Park” clean shaved or do you let it revert back to it’s natural habitat?

It drives my hubby batty that I don’t want the Doc to see my freaky side and I cannot jump up on the table freshly shaven. No Way in Hell.!!!

A few weeks before my appointment, the little lady grows a beard.


10 Responses to “WHAT?”

  1. SK Says:

    Oh man, I’m with ya on the shoe thing, but I am NOT rompin’ through some doc office comode. He can just view my ugly ass feet in all their yucky glory:)

  2. LL Says:

    I see my family doc for this kind of stuff. He’s seen it wild and woolly and all snazzed up. Since he was my OB when I was HUGE and couldn’t bend over enough to shave, he’s seen things REALLY ugly. hahahahaha And I think last time, I had the pure nekkidness going on down there. 😉

  3. betme Says:

    SK ~ You gotta give the doctor’s “wading pool” a try!

    LL~ No Way! Baby butt smooth? You are a brave woman!

  4. LL Says:

    Ummm, I left a landing strip. A short one. haha I AM an adult woman. I can’t do that prepubescent girl thing. Not my gig. 😉

  5. Tracy Says:

    sorry, I would never stick my feet in the toilet! Not even my toilet at home LOL I’d rather explain the dirty feet.

    My question is this: we are sitting on an exam table in a cotton robe (I love my new OB/GYN’s office. No PAPER gown!!), open in the FRONT, getting ready to put your feet in stirrups and we hide our underwear!!! LOL why is that?

  6. betme Says:

    After my appointment, I am going to sculpt the patch into an arrow. Then if my hubby is intoxicated or otherwise confused, he will know where to deposit the goods.

    Tracy ~ I hide my panties too! What is up with that? I wear nice panties to the doctor’s office and then carefully hide them under my jeans. It makes no sense. I might need to consult my shrink about this. 😀

    You each need to try the tidy bowl foot bath just once. If for no other reason, do it so that you can feel like a REBEL!

  7. Chickie Says:

    I’m glad I”m not the only panty-hider. You guys are cracking my ass up today…

  8. betme Says:

    Happy to amuse!

  9. Red Says:

    aaaahahaa! Because of this post .. and all the others I’ve commented on, I’m ‘rolling you!
    Oh, and I let the Doc see the freaky-deaky side .. freshly shaved an’ all.

  10. betme Says:

    Red ~ One day I will let my hair down… I mean I will not let my hair down.. I mean… (I need a drink)

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