How to Start a blog…

Well,

This is my morning:

First of all, I am on my period. I know, too much info. About a week ago I had to call the plumber to come unstop the toilet in the ladies room. This is the second time in 3 months. It just so happens that there are only two women here. Me and a 73 year old. So it is safe to say, when he pulled out the tampons that were plugging up the pipe, they had to be mine.

I know … too much information… (yet, I continue………..)

Now keep in mind, the owner of the company is an opinionated little old Italian man. We go back and forth all the time. Right in front of the plumber, he exclaims “Women! What the hell do they put in the commode?”

The plumber is a family friend of mine. He is trying to smooth things over. But, the boss keeps going on and on. Finally, he said “Put a sign above the commode. I want nothing to go down these drains but shit.”

I am trying my best not to laugh at him… But, I fail. Instead I put up a sign that reads, “Please do not put paper products in the toilet.”

Fast forward to yesterday:

I am Jonesing chocolate really bad. So, I take care of my cravings by scarfing a pound of peanut M&Ms. (Isn’t that what a person is supposed to do when faced with menstrual cravings?) My period is a major bitch and if the bitch wants chocolate, I drown her in the shit.

Well, I just happen to be developing new allergies all the time. Certain foods make me itch like a som’a’bitch. I am not sure if it is the food dye, the nuts, or something else… But, so help me; If I have developed an allergy to chocolate, my hubby has orders to shoot me and bury me in the back yard.

Move to today:

I have popped a Benadryl to combat the itchies and I am a tad bit woozy. I am sitting on the toilet in the ladies room at work, trying my best to remove my tampon, when the damn thing slips from my fingers and falls in the water. Shit, Fuck, and Damn.

I fish it out, wrap it in paper towels and toss it in the trash… All the while thinking, “I should leave this on my boss’s desk.”

Go ahead and laugh, I am!  Better than crying. Men…  

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19 Responses to “How to Start a blog…”

  1. LL Says:

    Womanhood don’t get any uglier than that. LOL!!!!

  2. Jane Says:

    Yes. I am dying of laughter right now. I think only– mostly– women can understand the humor of this situation.

  3. Tracy Says:

    Oh my goodness!! Only a woman can laugh so hard she almost pees her pants at a story like that.

    Any men out there reading this and cringing~”you can’t handle the truth!”

  4. ~Jack~ Says:

    Uh, of course. If LL says don’t go there, I fire up the after burner!
    You might even see Bane drop by in a few.

  5. betme Says:

    Is now a good time to mention that I have once washed my feet in the toilet?

  6. ~Jack~ Says:

    My Oldest dunked my youngest son’s head in the toilet.

  7. betme Says:

    Ah “swirlies” a family past-time!

  8. SK Says:

    This is the funniest thing I’ve read all day! 🙂 Yup, one helluva way to start a new blog….

  9. Sparrow Says:

    Sort of a hahaha–eeeew! post. Good job, great laughs.

    If men had to shove tampons up the one-eyed sailor, they’d be a lot more sympathetic!

  10. imp Says:

    LOL! Amen to that Sparrow!

  11. Aussie_Chic Says:

    Right at this minute I can’t think of anything worse than having to face the plumber who has unblocked your tampon filled pipes. Ugghhh, the things us women must endure…..

  12. AFSister Says:

    LOLOLOLOL… Finally men get a glimpse into womanhood!

    It’s no wonder my ex (pussy that he is) told me that he’d rather be a man and face the possibility of the draft than be a woman and have to endure periods and childbirth.

    BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  13. kdzu Says:

    When LL says for men not to go she knows full well we will.
    ROTFLMAO. A great first post. You may go far grasshopper.
    And Sparrow……….the one-eyed sailor……..new one for the old velvet headed trouser snake. And no thank you about pushing anything in there.

  14. Ambulance Driver Says:

    ROFL…too funny.

    And I thought I was the only compulsive oversharer on the web. 😉

  15. JohnB Says:

    Tampons, Candy and Drugs. Great first post miss.

  16. Chickie Says:

    Oh I like you, I REALLY like you – you made me laugh while I’m studying Statistics. You are SO in.

  17. betme Says:

    You can either laugh about your period or beat the shit out of the first asshole who crosses your path. I am not using up my get-out-of-jail-free card on my monthly.

  18. For Mario « DisIsMyPlace Says:

    […] For Mario My dear friend Mario was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Mario is also my plumber, the same plumber who saved me from total embarrassment with the boss: The woeful tampon tale  […]

  19. In The Beginning… « DisIsMyPlace Says:

    […] … And so it began… How-to-start-a-blog […]

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