The Police Report

First let me clarify… I am in no way involved in the report.

We were at a bar-b-que enjoying the fine Texas atmosphere of cold beer, half drunk women draped across boisterous manly men, who raved about their heroes on the football field. Ya know, Basic Texas stuff.

We were joined by a couple of Houston’s finest, Boys in Blue. (the Law)

It wasn’t long before they too had cups of …ummm… soda (yeah I am sure they wouldn’t be drinking on the job)

One of the officers began telling of a report that he had to file some time back. It was a terrible accident scene. The rider of the motorcycle had been thrown off his bike and an arm severed.

The officer said, “I found his arm laying in the esplanade, but I didn’t know how to spell esplanade, so I picked the arm up and tossed it in the ditch.”

I almost did an un-lady-like thing and spit my drink all over the place. It was so funny hearing him explain. (not funny that some poor soul was had his arm severed and was killed.) But funny that the officer was so…

I don’t even know how to describe him… It sounded like a screwball twisted line from Scary Movie.

The funny part was knowing it was a real event. Life is funnier than any writer could ever imagine in a script. (well, it is for me in my Twilight Zone existence)

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11 Responses to “The Police Report”

  1. Don Smith Says:

    My boy is a cop, they live in a totally different world than ours, and despite it all, they still retain some of it and bring it home with them. I could never do the job myself, not enough ammunition in the world for me.

    Reminds me of the yuppie that crashed his car, and the cop removes him from the wreckage and leans him up against the bridge the kid looks down into the ravine and starts whining … my BMW my brand new Beamer. And the cop looks at his half torn off arm and says … Look at your arm!

    And the kid looks and then says … My Rolex, my brand new Rolex.

    Have a great weekend.

    DS

  2. boundandgags Says:

    I’ve spent a lot of time law enforcement (not cuffed – often) and the stories get out there. It is funny to be in a group where there are also civilians. They’re easy pick out because they’re only ones not laughing.

  3. joanharvest Says:

    Oh my goodness! I don’t know whether to laugh or be upset. That is just so , well, I don’t even have a word for it but at the same time sort of funny.

    Cops must just get so immune to that type of stuff. they would have to be to do that job.

    I hope he has looked up the word in the dictionary so he knows how to spell it for the next time something happens in the esplanade.

  4. kaylee Says:

    Betme. I will get that out as soon as I can write it I’m very sick today!

  5. kaylee2 Says:

    i sent it

  6. thegirlfromtheghetto Says:

    My hubby is a detective (Shhhhh) so I totally get this story. People don’t realize that cops see death, save lives, investigate crimes, see domestic violence, save abused kids, deliver babies, and deal with dumbasses daily, besides writing you a ticket. They risk their lives 24/7. You are always on call and you can’t pretend not to be one when a ‘situation’ happens. Its a hard life, and one best left out of a home. We never talk about work at it works. I totally laughed at this story, but of course I would, because I understand the life.

  7. thegirlfromtheghetto Says:

    I meant “and it works for us” whoops!

  8. Taoist Biker Says:

    Two words: LawDog Files.

  9. Just a Mom Says:

    I must live in the Twilight Zone because I laughed my butt off when I read this! Thanks for the laugh!

  10. mistermanly Says:

    Hi b,

    I hate written reports.

    Mister Manly

  11. Wendy Says:

    This was hilarious. I loved that while looking on the gruesome scene he could only think of it in terms of paperwork.

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