Sensitivity Training

Alrighty, I admit it. I need it… Or something to help me learn to be more tolerant, more patient, less apt to call a putz a putz.

I came to this brilliant realization the other day when a coworker peeked his head in my office and said he needed to go home because he was not feeling well. I was a breath away form asking, “What’s the matter, your pussy hurting you again?”

Not all my fault. You see I have been hanging out with the guys and they say that every time one of them complains about an ache or a pain. It is their way of calling the other guy soft for whining.

Still, I have absolutely no business using such delightful terms of endearment with my coworkers.

I decided I needed a refresher course and church would be a good place for me. So, I slipped on a dress and headed out the door. Just five minutes into my 20 minute drive I almost turned my car around and came home. Five minutes… and I was cursing like a sailor at the inatentive drivers who had taken over every lane of the road.  

I was sure that the Pastor would be able to feel the evil cloud that was permeating from my soul.

I slipped into an empty pew, hoping to remain invisible and unapproachable. Why do fellow church goers feel the need to reach out and try to make you feel welcome? I did not really want to be noticed. I simply wanted to hear the message and slip back out…

(note to self: come in during the opening hymn and slip out during the closing prayer)

OK, it was not that bad… and the message was very moving, he talked about the commitments we must make as couples to stay together in these trying times. I really think Mr. J needed to be there as well cuz the guy was telling the husbands to compliment their wives on the little things, like dinner. (and Mr J needs a refresher course on that one)

In fact he needs a course on eating whatever I cook and telling me it is delightful. (waiting until I turn my head and then spitting the crap into a napkin or a house plant.)  I will see if the Pastor will bring it up again next week and take Mr. J with me.

All-in-all it was good for me.

I didn’t curse at one person on the drive home!

10 Responses to “Sensitivity Training”

  1. Sarah Says:

    I used to hang out with a lot of guys and talk like that became second nature for me. Apparently I curse without even realizing that I’m cursing. I’m glad you made it to your destination, and good for you for making the return trip without the cursing. I’m a little jealous!

  2. Taoist Biker Says:

    Replace the word “pussy” with “hymen” and it’s all good! :D

  3. Don Smith Says:

    If I live to be a hundred, I will never figure it out. Everyone always says “He was cussing like a sailor!” without fail. I have known marines, air force, army and national guard, guess what?

    They all cuss like a sailor.

    Here is another one … How come the dumb kid in school, the dumb kid in the joke, the idiot, is always named “Johnny.” Our kid is named Johnny and when he was 10 it really got him down.

    Where do we get this stuff. Looking there, just gave you an article.

    hahahahahahaha

    DS

  4. Just a Mom Says:

    I left church once and before we even got out of the parking lot someone flicked me off!
    I gave up swearing for lent last year but it is slowly slipping back into my vocabulary!

  5. Peter Parkour Says:

    You know helps me? Booze and grudge sex. :P Just kidding. Actually what helps me is trying to see things from the other person’s point of view. It works… sometimes. ;)

  6. thegirlfromtheghetto Says:

    Awe man, I would have laughed if I heard you say that. I love sassy talk. I love swearing. I can not live without either!

  7. trishatruly Says:

    A man went to the doctor and said “Doc, something’s wrong with me. Every time I look at myself in the mirror I get a hard-on!”
    The doctor said “That’s because you look like a pussy!”
    :P

    Feel free to quote that one.

  8. Don Smith Says:

    Now here is a string starter for sure.

    Man went to a doctor …. pokes himself in the groin and says ouch! then he pokes his neck, ouch! then his left knee, again ……… ouch!

    Looks at the doctor and sez …….. Whadya think is wrong doc?

    The doctor replies ……… YOUR FINGER IS BROKEN.

    TAKE MY WIFE ………… PLEASE!

    DS

  9. kaylee2 Says:

    HAHHAHHHAHAHHA :)

  10. Don Smith Says:

    I know this is kind of off subject and I can be whipped, quartered and tickled too death for it.

    But when I read this post this morning, for some reason I thought of you.

    Check it out: http://politicalmorsels.com/2008/11/12/you-scanned-my-card-for-office-supplies-wtf/#comment-111

    DS

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