Last night I got a call from the Houston Chronicle, the local newspaper. Before I go into the phone call I will take you back to the 14th of October:
Oct 14: I go on-line and subscribe to the Chronicle paying in advance for 20 weeks of delivery.
Oct 15: I receive email confirmation of my order.
Oct 16: I wait anxiously for my first paper to be delivered… drats, well maybe it will start tomorrow.
Oct 17: Again, nothing in my driveway, so I venture out to see if the paper might be in the bushes or on the roof… Nadda.
Oct 18: I sit patiently and wait for the paper guy to drive down my street hoping to catch him when he delivers my neighbor’s paper. He drives by too quickly … drats.
Oct 19: still no paper, but I receive a lovely letter from the Chronicle thanking me for my order and confirming that my delivery was to begin on the 16th. I call the number listed in the letter and explain that I have not received the paper yet. They are very sweet and assure me that I will receive a paper in the morning.
Oct 20-30: A bad rendition of Ground Hogs Day… No paper, I call them, they promise it will start the next day, the next day comes and goes without a paper.
From time to time when I called them I would ask flippant questions such as, “Is my carrier afraid to deliver to my house because I have a tree?”
“Will my carrier deliver if I sit outside and offer him breakfast?”
“Does the carrier accept bribes?”
“My carrier does realize that he is blowing his Christmas tip doesn’t he?”
It did not matter how many times I called, I NEVER received one copy of the paper. I know that they still print the news on paper cuz a co-worker brings one in to work in the mornings.
Well, I gave up. I called and asked them to cancel my subscription and refund my money. That was on the 31st. Which brings me to last night’s call:
The caller wanted to know why I was dissatisfied with the Chronicle and IF I would consider a couple weeks free delivery to once again become a customer.
I calmly explained that a year’s worth of free papers would do me no good because I would NEVER receive them. Oh heck, make it two years worth of free papers that I never receive.
She said I sounded irrational and that she was merely trying to remedy my problem. She then went on to ask me a series of questions: (my answers in bold)
On a scale of one to five, five being the highest, how do you rate the service of your carrier?
“Um, you have got to be flipping kidding me, RIGHT? You do know I did not receive any papers, right?”
She continued: Did your paper arrive in a timely fashion?
“I am going to say no, unless by timely fashion you consider three weeks and still waiting to be acceptable?”
She paused and asked, “Three weeks of what?”
Good Grief, she is going to make me curse aloud. “Three weeks of never receiving the paper. Do you see a pattern with my answers?”
She responds with this gem: Perhaps you would be more content to only receive the paper on Sundays as many customers state that they do not have the time to read the paper daily.
I know by this time that my teeth are clenched because my jaw is beginning to ache… and I fight back the urge to slip into a Chris Tucker role and say, “Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?” I gave up…
From that point on the remainder of the conversation was blah, blah, blah, something, something-else.
I was almost afraid that I would wake up this morning and actually find a newspaper in my driveway. Not to worry, my carrier did not let me down.